Reviews: Free and Simple - Closed for Catch Up!

Review 5 - Trapped in a Coma

Title: Trapped in a Coma
Author: Dare_To_Dream_13
Genre: Fantasy
Status: Ongoing
Mature: n/a
Summary: The hospital was buzzing with activity. That wasn't unusual, in of itself, except this time, a teenager came in who had been in a critical accident. Fresh blood was gushing out of her head, scrapes and bruises outlining the visible part of her skin. She seemed to be unconscious. The nurse was used to seeing accidents like that and had developed quite a thick skin; however, when the girl was brought in she couldn't help but marvel at her youngness and hope that this accident wouldn't change her life forever.

First impression 9/10 -

Cover: Your cover is beautiful. It's simple but it's very eye catching. I love how you used the different font for 'coma' it makes it stand out.

Summary: The summary is quite long in my opinion. I feel like you dumped a lot of information all into the summary that shouldn't have gone there. I would either put it in a prologue and cut down on the summary length.

Plot 10/10 - I love this plot so much, it's so unique and interesting. The coma world is very cool and I'm dying to read more. The beginning of the third chapter is amazing. It was intense and sparked my curiosity.

Dialogue 8/10 - Your dialogue was punctuated correctly for the most part, but the parts where she was thinking was confusing. It seemed like she was talking when she was actually thinking. You could maybe try something like this:

Great, she thought...

Instead of

"Great," she thought...

Grammar 9/10 - I didn't see any glaring errors but there were a few extra spaces that kind of annoyed me. I also felt some of your paragraphs were too long and could have been separated. That of course is a matter of opinion.

Characters 8/10 - I only read the first two chapters, but you've given Scarlet a good personality. She's very relatable which is good.

Overall 8.8/10 - This is a good book so far, just a few things that need to be touched up. The major issues would be the paragraphing and the thoughts but those are both easy fixes.