Reviews: Free and Simple - Closed for Catch Up!

Review 19 - Randomest

Title:Randomest
Author: 1Dhnlzl23
Genre: Romance
Status: Ongoing
Mature: No
Summary:

"Everything we care about lies somewhere in the middle where pattern and randomness interlace." -James Gleick

First impression 7/10 -

Cover: I don't really like your cover. It's black and white and the quote it is unreadable. Maybe try having it in color to catch readers' attention. For the quote, just make it bigger.

Summary: I think your summary is very vague, but it almost fits. It gives the general idea of the story and almost no details. I'm torn between liking it and hating it.

Plot 7/10 - If you are going to have a disclaimer, at least make it professional. By referring to them as 'cold hearted assholes', you're not seeming very professional, but more childlike. I don't really like the start of your story. It's all over the place and confusing. I honestly couldn't get past it. Maybe go through and clean it up a bit?

Dialogue 9/10 - I didn't see any major errors, but words like laughed, chuckles, sighs, etc can't be used interchangeably with 'said'. They're actions that you can do while talking. You could say something like "dialogue," he said between laughs. It's minor, but crucial to good writing.

Grammar 9/10 - Right away I noticed a grammar mistake. In your first paragraph, you say the seat 'sways' and the wind 'hits', but then you 'filled'. I would change it to 'fills' to fit with your previous tenses.

Characters 8/10 - I've really only been introduced to one character, Rose, and I don't really like her that much. She seems a little all over the place and frantic, just my opinion.

Overall 8/10 - I think that this has the potential to be a great book, but it's kind of all jumbled and confusing at this point, or a least the first chapter.