Reviews: Free and Simple - Closed for Catch Up!

Review 26 - To Live Again

Title: To Live Again
Author: TateUnique
Genre: Teen Fiction
Status: Ongoing
Mature: Yes
Short summary:

Three years after their parents' death, a brother and sister attempt to finish high school while handling the extreme ups and downs of life. As they are sucked into the criminal underworld, they must risk everything they hold dear in order to survive and protect the people they love.

First Impression 7/10 -

Title: I like your title, it's interesting. It hints at the contents of the story without giving too much away. A little basic, but that's okay.

Cover: I'm not a huge fan of your cover. The fonts you used don't look good together and it just seems messy. The background is, in my opinion, ugly. I feel like it looks cheap and not up to the quality of other covers on wattpad. I know making covers is hard (just look at mine), but the cover is the first thing a reader notices and should be of high quality.

Summary:  Your summary is okay, but one of the major lines has grammar errors.

All things that high schoolers, Christian and Ashley, know very well, or so, they thought.

Read that out loud, taking a short pause at every comma. Sounds weird, doesn't it?
Now do the same for this one:

All things that high schoolers Christian and Ashley know very well, or so they thought.

Doesn't it sound better? Do this every time you're unsure if you have commas in the right places.

Dialogue/Grammar 7/10 - You missed some commas in some places, some of the dialogue was wrong, and you had a few run-onish sentences, but overall it was mediocre. One instance I noticed was this little bit of description:

It looks like a prison in disguise: the grounds are gated all around with only a few ways to sneak out, two security guards patrol the campus, the school itself is golden brown and two stories high, and of course, most of the teachers are like guards guarding classrooms as if they were cells.

So, that's a little rough. Here's an example of how you could make it sound cleaner and better.

It looks like a prison in disguise: a gate encloses the campus, leaving only a few ways to sneak out, and a pair of guards roam the grounds, keeping a watchful eye out for skippers and druggies. The school itself is golden brown and two stories high, with teachers that guard classrooms as if they were cells.

Of course, that's merely a suggestion. You can keep/change whatever you want (:

Characters 10/10 -

Aunt Jess: She's so kind and caring, but I can't help and feel she's struggling on the inside. She lost a sibling and then had to take on the responsibility of two children all while trying to maintain her own sanity. Mad respect for that woman.

Ashley: She's the only one I really know at one chapter in. She seems like she likes to hide her past, but mentions therapy. I wish she wasn't late/unprepared because it stresses me out, but some people are like that, so good job with making it seem real.

Christian: Kinda don't like him because he's athletic and I don't have good experiences with athletes, but he seems like the caring-in-secret kind of older brother. I can't help but feel bad for him due to the prologue.

Chapter Lengths 10/10 - The lengths of your chapters was ideal for me. They weren't too long but they also weren't insanely short.

Descriptions 8/10 - Your descriptions were okay, but I hate how you described the three family members. Try to incorporate those into normal conversations/actions instead of using three or more paragraphs to describe what people look like. Other than that, your descriptions were good, but I'd go through and maybe had a teensy bit more to spice up certain spots.

Plot 7.5/10 - Your prologue was...intense. I was not expecting that at all. When I read the first few lines I was like: "Oh, normal." Then I got farther and went: "Oh, god." Good job! You really drew the reader into your plot. Unfortunately, your first chapter is pretty boring. She gets a detention, cute boy, whoopdeedoo. You went from a really engaging prologue to a drab first chapter. I know it's lead up, but maybe you could have done something more interesting.

Overall 8.25/10 - You have a really good start here, but I would suggest reading over everything and spicing the first chapter up. The grammar issues are easy fixes and I like the general idea of your plot. With a little work, this book could reach great heights!