Reviews: Free and Simple - Closed for Catch Up!

Review 20 - Treasured Memories

Title: Treasured Memories
Author: midnight_misfit
Genre: Teen Fiction
Status: Ongoing
Mature: No
Summary:

When Avery gets news that she has a brain tumor that can damage her memory, she begins a routine to record all of her memories down as she goes through treatment and a surgery that could ultimately change her life.

"The tumor is tucked away in my temporal lobe. It's hiding in the comfort of the soft tissue, afraid to come out. That's how I think of it. I think of this threatening lump as a social outcast that confines itself to a dark corner never to come out. Never to see the light again. Little does it know, it is causing me discomfort."

First impression 9.5/10 -

Cover: It's very simple, but I love it. I feel like the simplicity of it fits with the title and everything. I don't like all of the stickers you have clumped at the top though. I would change the location of those and maybe get ride of one or two.

Summary: I love your summary and your story idea. Your summary gives enough description and I love the quote you have at the end. I'm really excited to read this.

Plot 9/10 - I love your plot a lot and I haven't seen anything like it before. It was really interesting to read. I don't like Chapter 3, it's very informational and sounds more like a filler chapter. If the information is important to the story, find a way to integrate it into dialogue. I will definitely be reading more, but there are some grammatical things you should work on.

Dialogue 8/10 - So, you have a dialogue error that a lot of people have. I'm going to explain it, but I would also suggest reading up on Google about how to write dialogue.

Here's what you have:

"I love you, Avery." She said, her voice croaking.

"I love you, too." I whispered.

Here's what you should have:

"I love you, Avery," she said, her voice croaking.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

Dialogue is a tricky thing and a lot of people struggle with it. Going through your book after reading the dialogue rules and fixing everything up will make your book seem more professional.

Grammar 8/10 - Sometimes your sentences seem very choppy and you start with 'I' a lot. Changing up the start of sentences makes it smoother and easier to read. There were also a lot of places where you should have commas, but didn't. If you want, I can go through on your book and point out certain spots.

Characters 11/10 - I love that your characters are mixed. I rarely see a book with poc characters and I love that you have some. Along with their personalities, I feel like you have some good, relatable characters.

Overall 9.1/10 - I love love love your book, but going through and making some little changes will make it even better :)