Title: Chocolates For You
Author: etherealth
Genre: Short Story
Status: Completed
Mature: No
Summary:
23 year old Brooke is a new Physics teacher. She has to start her job mid-November because the old Physics teacher was fired, and she knows it is not going to be easy. The students are as difficult as she thought they'd be, but what proves a big challenge is the Marine Bio teacher across the hall: Jake Bennett.
First impression 8.5/10 -
Cover: It's very simply, but it looks great. I like the picture (hopefully it fits the story) and the title is positioned nicely. The stickers are nice too.
Summary: I like your summary, but the first sentence is quite long and confusing.
Physics teacher at Willow Creek Institute for Science and Maths, twenty three year old Brooke Bloem expects a struggle with the students she is expected to teach, starting in the middle of November.
I would rewrite it like this.
Brooke Bloem is the new Physics teacher at Willow Creek Institute for Science and Maths. She prepares for a struggle with her new students when she begins in the middle of November.
Your version is almost a run on sentence. Of course you don't have to change it, it's just a suggestion.
Plot 10/10 - This was so cute! I loved every second of it. The only thing I have to say is that it was amazing, adorable, and unique.
Dialogue 9/10 - There were a few instances where I though their should be different punctuation, but in general it was flawless.
Grammar 9/10 - You're missing a few commas here and there and I saw a few minor grammatical errors, but with a little editing it could be perfect.
Example: 'student's lab reports' should be 'students' lab reports'
Characters 10/10 - I love Jake and Brooke a lot. Their personalities are amazing and you did a great job portraying them.
Overall 9.3/10 - This was amazing and I loved it and I highly suggest anyone reading this reads this short story. A little bit of editing will make your story even better!
YOU ARE READING
Reviews: Free and Simple - Closed for Catch Up!
RandomAre you looking for someone to review your book? Are you looking for some new things to read? Well, you've come to the right place! Here is where I will be taking requests for reviews. The reviews will be completely honest and I will give you a rati...
