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Review 25 - Ataira: The Lost Kingdom

Title: Ataira: The Lost Kingdom
Author: Project_Fantasy
Genre: Fantasy
Status: Ongoing
Mature: Yes/No - Blood and language, but nothing explicit
Short summary:

A fairy princess will travel back home to stop a troubled witch.

*I only read the first chapter, but looked briefly at two and three*

First Impression 7.5/10 -

Title: I love your title, it's very unique. I'm very curious about this lost kingdom, which draws me into your book. Good job with the title!

Cover: I'm not too fond of your cover. I like the font you used for the title, but I don't like the huge expanse of white you have. I would maybe structure the layout different, or just go for a newly designed cover.

Summary: Your summary is okay, but I feel it could be better. Some sentences are majorly confusing and it just seems very broad. I haven't read anything yet, so maybe a broad summary is best. In the end, whether to elaborate on the summary is your choice. If you would like my help, you can always pm me or I can add onto this portion of the review.

Dialogue/Grammar 8/10 - For the most part, this area was good. There were a few instances when you had commas missing, but that's easy to fix by proofreading a few times. Also, when you use mom as a name remember to capitalize it! Grammar and dialogue is a difficult and sometimes confusing area for amateur and experienced writers so don't fret too much.

Characters 8/10 -

Luna: So, she's a fairy and all, but she seems very ditzy to me. More at the start than at the end of the first chapter. The way she was worried about something out there intrigued me and I really want to find out what that's about! I can't wait to see Luna develop!

Lilly: She's very motherly, duh, but I like when you can clearly see the love between mother and daughter. She has the right amount of commands and normal conversation that is common in parent/child relationships. I'm curious as to what role she plays further on in the story.

Chapter Lengths 7/10 - Your first chapter seems very rushed. I feel like you could have gone into more detail or added more into the scene. She goes to the meadow thing, sits there, and then goes home. While there was matter there, I feel there could have been more (I get more into this with plot). Your second chapter is extremely short (and a filler which I will talk about later). I think incorporating it into either the first or third chapter, or removing it all together depending on content, would be beneficial.

Descriptions 9/10 - You did a good job describing how the scenes looked, but I feel there could have been more. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but I love descriptive scenes and I was missing something, whether it be description or substance I'm not sure.

Plot 6/10 - Now, a six may seem a little harsh but I'll tell you why. Your first chapter doesn't really feel like a chapter. It's supposed to draw the reader in, and I didn't feel very drawn in. I saw that previously you had a prologue, and I think this is more prologue material than chapter material. Moving on, your second 'filler' chapter is a bad move. You should try to steer clear of fillers, especially ones so close to the start of the book. With no action happening the reader will get bored and not want to continue. You don't want to move the pace too fast, but you need to try and avoid fillers.

Overall 7.6/10 - This book has tons of potential. You have all of the right components, you just need a little more editing and organizing. This all comes with time, but eventually your work will become incredible. You just have to remembering everything can be improved and everything is subject to change.