Reviews: Free and Simple - Closed for Catch Up!

Review 23 - The Dinner Guest

Title: The Dinner Guest
Author: ZoeyAnon
Genre: Mystery/Thriller
Status: Ongoing/Paused
Mature: No
Short summary:

A woman with a questionable background is hosting a dinner party, inviting only her best friend and their fiancé.

  What happens when the original and unexpected guests collide? What will be the aftermath?

  She doesn't know that this is the start of her journey that will change how she looks at her life...

Luna Norton - The girl who thought she knew everything about her life.

*I only read your first chapter because it says edited and you are going to remove it so*

First Impression 7/10 -

Title: It's kind of basic, but also intrigues me. Who is this dinner guest? Why are they relevant? So, even with how simple it is, it draws in my attention and makes me want to know what it's talking about.

Cover: I have mixed feelings about your cover. I like the way you have the title and your name, but the background is not my favorite. It makes the cover seem almost messy. I also like the background because it's kind of mysterious, but I don't know.

Summary:  Your summary is very brief, but I guess that contributes to the mysterious air about the book. I would have liked to have more, but I will admit having more may have ruined the mysteriousness.

Dialogue/Grammar 7.5/10 - Some of your dialogue needs to be worked. In the sentence:

A relieved sigh escaped her mouth, "Just the food to go now."

You wouldn't have the comma after 'mouth'. You can't sigh while you talk so it would just be a full stop.

A relieved sigh escaped her mouth. "Just the food to go now."

Would be the way to punctuate that sentence.

Otherwise, I didn't notice any major spelling errors. I would go through and make sure you don't have any sentences like the one above.

Characters 8/110 - In the first chapter, we aren't really introduced to many characters expect for Luna, so here's my view on her.

Luna: She seems very frantic and obsessed with perfection. I can relate with her, but in a way she annoys me. I feel like she may be a little too frantic.

Chapter Lengths 7/10 - The first chapter is quite short, and would be even shorter without the huge spaces in between paragraphs. I saw that you are going to unpublish and rewrite this story, so I would suggest combining parts together or adding more description to lengthen your chapters.

Descriptions 9/10 - You did a very good job with your descriptions. It was easy to picture the scene and what was happening in full detail. I like how you mentioned the Chardonnay multiple times, it added a neat feature to it.

Plot 8/10 - The plot isn't very active until the end of the chapter. It was okay and I liked the suspense at the end of the chapter.

Overall 7.75/10 - I liked reading your book, but I think there was something missing from it. I hope you publish it again in the future so I have the option of reading it again! I'm very sorry this took so long!!