1. You'd be surprised by how many people get the phrase "Go away" mixed with "Please, continue."
2. Man: How much do I mean to you, love?
Woman: Oh, honey, you're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the the glitter to my sushi, the ketchup to my icecream. In other words, you're worthless.
3. Friend: Hey, do you have a bathroom?
Me: No, of course we don't, we do our business in the yard..
4. *At the grocery store*
Friend: Hey girl! What are you doing here?
Me: Oh you know, hunting for elephants..
5. Boy: *walks up to girl* Damnn girl, are you a fire detector?
Girl: *scoffs* I know I'm gorgeous, but don't hit on me. I'm wayyyy outta you league * flips hair*
Boy: Ew I'm definitely not hitting on you. I called you a fire detector because you're loud and annoying. I only walked over to you to tell you to shut up
6. Wow you use lyrics as a fb status? You're so deep.
7. *at a dollar store*
lady: how much this chocolate bar cost?
cashier: one dollar
lady: how much does this bow cost?
cashier: one dollar..
lady: how much does the-
cashier: *interrupts*- it doesn't cost a dollar, because it's not like the name of this store indicates how much each and every one of these items cost or anything..
8. Boy: So what do you think of the car.
Girl: *silence*
Boy: Oh you're giving me the silent treatment, huh?
..FINALLY!
9. Husband: what do you say we both have a fun, relaxing weekend?
Wife: I would I love that!
Husband: Okay then, see you on Monday!
10. So you don't like my tatooos? Well at least I can cover them up.
You're face on the other hand..
11. Black fridays: Because only in America do we trample eachother for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
12. Classmate: Hey, can I borrow a piece of paper?
Me: Oh sure. Are you gonna return it?
13. Mom: Clean your room!
Me: It's my room.
Mom: It's my house.
Me: Okay, then you clean it!
14. Boy: I wouldn't date you if you were the last person on earth!
Girl: If I were the last person on earth you wouldn't even be alive idiot.
15. Teacher: You think that's funny?!
Me: Well duh..that's why I laughed.
16. Basically me at school all day:
Me: I hate all of you
Me: Gosh stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday
Me: Holy crap walk faster!
Me: Get smarter you idiot
Me: Maybe if I hit my head on my desk enough times I'll die.
YOU ARE READING
JOKES QUOTES AND PUNZ
Humorwell the title says it all. These are a few jokes, puns, and weird facts I've heard, read, ect. So enjoy :D
