JOKES QUOTES AND PUNZ

So relatable posts

-I wore this yesterday but I'm going to a different place so it doesn't matter.

-At night: I'm gonna try to actually look good tommorow

Next morning: Nahhh.

-*forgets what I'm talking about halfway through a sentence*

*forgets where I'm going or what I'm about to do halfway there*

-Me in public: I hope I don't bump into anyone from school

-Well that joke was pretty funny, but I don't like you so I'm not gonna laugh.

-My level of maturity depends on who I'm with

-I hate getting flashbacks of moments I don't want to think of or remember

-Feeling left out when you see a post in another language with tons of comments

-If you watch the titanic backwards it's about a magical boat that saves people

-I mentally murder people I don't like

-Whenever someone says "10 years ago" I think about the 90s not 2004

-When I eat a huge meal: UGHH OMIGOD I'M SO FULL I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER EAT AGAIN

*5 min later*

I'M HUNGRY

-Am I athletic? of course I am! I'll have you know I surf...the internet

-On my TV I'm constantly changing the volume because the movie keeps on going back and forth between too loud and too quiet

-I can be writing the most boring text in the whole world, but as soon as somebody starts looking it automatically becomes TOP SECRET

-Whenever I have nobody to talk to I just pretend to text someone so that I don't look like a total loner

-Rereading a text message backwards 3 times and still not knowing how to reply..

-Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and give them a huge hug. Life must be hard for the visually impaired

-This girl told me she could get 10 times as many guys as I'll ever get, and I just laughed. Because 10x0=0

-Ending a class presentation with "so..um, yah.."

-When people tell me "Highschool is the best 4 years of your life!" -.-

-In gym I'm the slowest runner you'll probably ever see, but when I see food I suddenly become an Olympic athlete

-Sub: Does you normal teacher let you do that?

Students: Uh..pshhh, yahh...

-When you eat food that's too hot and start breathing like a retarded dragon

-Making unnecessary sounds when you're bored

-When I'm home sick on a school day: "HAH! Those suckers are in math class"

-No mom, you're mad because I proved you wrong, not because I'm talking back

-When I'm ignoring a phone call my phone seems to ring way longer than usual..

-Me: *breathes*

Mom: I'm sick and tired of your attitude!

-Adult: OMIGOD you've grown so much I remember you when you were just a baby!

Me: Uh-huh..and who are you exactly?

-Dentist: How are you?

Me: Arregfah arhagagra rahagra, Arg gyhu?

Dentist: Good, good

-Knowing your family so well you can tell who's coming downstairs just by the sound of their footsteps.

-My memory is getting to be so bad, that I could probably plan my own surprise party