I'm lost. Broken. And nobody knows. I help people, and when you help people, you don't get help. I couldn't look at myself think how a mess I was. It was too late for me to be fixed. Nobody could help me. I was too deep in it for being saved. I had...
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I have been here a week now, and I hate it. They try to help me, but I don't let them. I never speak in the social group or sit with the other kids. Paige tries to talk to me, and we talk sometimes, but mostly I'm in my room alone.
It was midnight, and I couldn't sleep. The thought of my razor is in my head. I need to get out of my room. I walk down the hall and saw stairs leading to the roof. When I walk through the door, the midnight air hit my face.
I can't believe that they are this stupid to let the door open. I walk to the edge and look down.
"What if I jump? The pain would go away in a minute." I whisper to myself.
I took a deep breath and turned around. Closing my eyes, I began to lean backward. I felt free and peaceful in the air. Suddenly someone grabbed my hand, and I was hanging on the edge of the roof. I look up and saw it was Ben.
"What are you doing?" He asked me, pulling me back up.
"No, let me go. I want to die." I said as he pulls me further from the edge.
"No, why would you do that?" He asked me.
"Because everything hurts, I don't want to be here anymore!" I cried, falling to the ground on my knees.
"Shhh, it's gone be okay, breath." He said as he sits next to me, pulling me on his lap, holding me close in his arms. We just sat there, and I just cried and cried for hours. I'm so numb from the pain. I just want to feel again.
"Please let me die," I whisper, crying in his chest.
"Shhh, it's okay." He said, stroking my hair to calm me down. My eyes slowly close, and I fall asleep in a second.
"What happened." I hear a girl asking. I think it was Paige.
"I was on the roof, and I saw her standing on the edge. She was going to kill herself, but I grab her hand, pulling her back on the roof." I hear Ben say. I slowly open my eyes and saw I was back in my room, lying on the bed with Ben and Paige sitting against the wall next to my desk.
"Hey, you're up," Paige said to me while walking over to my bed, sitting on the edge.
"Yeah," I said, thinking of last night.
"Are you okay?" She asked me.
"Of course not. She tries to kill herself last night." Ben said, standing up walking closer.
"I know that." She snaps back.
"But do you feel better?" She asked, turning back to me.
"Uhm yeah, thanks." I lied, smiling at her.
"Okay, then I have to go. Dr. Ryan wants to speak to me, bye." She said, walking out the door, leaving Ben and me alone.
"I know your lying." He said, sitting on the bed.
"No, I'm not," I said, looking at him.
"Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes." He said to me.
"Fine, I'm not okay I wane die okay. I feel like shit. The pain I feel doesn't leave me. The pain eats me alive. They say monsters live under beds. Well, they live in my head. They yell and say things to me like 'kill yourself, your ugly, fat and unloved.' They tell me to hurt myself because I will never be good enough for anyone." I said, pointing to my scars on my legs, arms, and stomach.
"And whatever I do, the voices won't go away, and it's ripping me apart," I said with tears in my eyes, looking down at my lap seeing my scars on my legs.
"I know how you feel." He said. I look up at him and saw that he was holding out his wrist. I looked at them and saw scars just like mine, but they were old, and mine was new.
"You did it too, but why?" I said, looking at him.
"All the kids here have their story way there here, and this is a part of mine." He said, pulling his sleeves down.
"But just don't kill yourself. There is more in life than you think." He said, wiping away the tears from my cheek with his thumbs. He stands up from the bed and walks out of it. I look down at my scars on my arms and legs.
Why would he want to help me? Nobody cares about me. Even my family didn't enjoy me. They left me here. I stood up and walked around in my room, thinking about all the bad stuff that happened. Nobody loves you because you are ugly and fat. Your family dumps you here because they're ashamed of you. You better kill yourself to make them happy. The voices in my head got louder and louder.
Stop it go away, leave me alone, please. The voices never go away. They drive me crazy. I grab my head with my hands, hoping to bloke the voices out, but it didn't help. They were still there. I have to get out of the room now.
I walk down the hall and saw Paige's door open. I look inside and saw her reading a book. I knock on her door and step inside. She looks up from her book and saw me standing there.
"Hey Lena, are you okay?" She asked me because my eyes were red and puffy because I cry earlier.
" No, can we talk, please?" I asked her.
" Of course." She said, putting her book on her nightstand. I walk over to her bed and sit down. I talk to her for hours about my life and how I ended up here.
" I know that life is hard because my life wasn't easy as well. And people are mean and cruel." She said, looking at me with tears in her eyes. I wanted to ask her something, but I don't know how she would react or if she would answer.
