I'm lost. Broken. And nobody knows. I help people, and when you help people, you don't get help. I couldn't look at myself think how a mess I was. It was too late for me to be fixed. Nobody could help me. I was too deep in it for being saved. I had...
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My white dress waves in the midnight wind. Dylan gave me some of my clothes, and luckily there was a dress with them. I was standing at the dock to clear my mind. Yesterday my brother came, and I told him everything.
I know that he was made I could see it in his eyes. He said that he would call today, but he didn't. That's nothing from him to promise something and that breaking it. But maybe dad found out that he came to me and took his phone away from him so that he could call me.
Two arms wrapped around my waist while I felt a pair of lips kissing my neck. " Are you okay? You look a little down today." Ben asked.
I let out a sigh looking at the water. " My brother said he would call today about what I told him yesterday, but he didn't, and he never breaks a promise," I said, turning around in his embrace.
" Don't worry about it, he will call you. Just think about something else, okay?" I nodded my head-hugging him. " rather see you smile than look so down." He kissed the top of my head, pulling me closer.
" Come, I want to show you something." He pulled away, taking my hand before walking back to the house. He leads me past the house to the barn. We walked inside, passing his car and other things.
The barn's back was a small room with a little night lamp, a window, and a mattress. There were laying some books on the ground with some CDs and other stuff. " What is this?" I asked, looking back at him.
" I found this when the room when I came here the first week. I come here when I want to be alone and escape the rest of the world for a little." I smile a little, looking back at the room.
It's a place like the old building where he can escape the world for a little while. It wasn't big, but it was enough to get lost in it. And with lost in it, I mean to get lost in your thoughts. That's why I always go to the old building to get lost in my thoughts.
Someone grabs my hand, spinning me around. I hit a hard chest, and I know it was Ben. He looked down at me with a darker look on his face than before. He trails his hands up my arms while a shiver goes up my spine. The little night lamp and the moon were the only light we had, but I could see the love in his eyes.
We both start to lean in, wanting each other so badly. His soft lips touch mine without hesitating a sec. The feeling he gave me was amazing, but then that horrible night came back to me, and I pulled away. He frowned at his eyebrows and looked at me with a confused look.
" I'm sorry, it's just that.." I close my eyes, blocking the thoughts out of my head. Even now, Erick is ruining my life without being here. Those horrible moments are still in my mind haunting me. It's not that I don't trust Ben because I know that he would never do something like that to me. But the moments of Erick and his friends are still there.
I open my eyes when I felt two warm hands cupping my face. " That night is still in your head, isn't it?" I nodded my head, looking into his eyes. Why am I so afraid to do this, I love this boy, and I know he loves me. " I would never hurt you like that. If you don't want this, it's alright for me. I'll wait for you." He stroked my cheek with his thump, not letting go.
I don't want to wait. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to let Erick have this power over me, over Ben, over us. Ben was about to let go of my cheeks, but I grab his hands so that they would stay there. He looked at me before I kissed him. We pulled away, breathing heavily, resting our foreheads against each other.
" I don't want to wait." That was all I said before kissing him again.
My hands travel up his chest to his neck, resting them there playing with his hair. He let out a small moan when I lightly pull on his hair. A smirk came on my face when I heard that. His hand finds its way to the back of my dress, slowly unzipping it. It fell to the ground leaving me in my bra and underwear.
We pulled away, breathing heavily when my hands find their way to his shirt, pulling it over his head. He smiled at me before he attacks my lips again with his wanting more every second. I unbuckle his belt opening his pants, and letting it drop on the ground. Now that we were only in our underwear, he leads me to the mattress.
He carefully lay me down without breaking the kiss. He put my hands beside my head, intertwining our fingers together. " You're so beautiful, Lena." He said while kissing my neck, leaving love bites behind. After that, things got pretty headed.
But I know that it was okay what we did because I love him, and he loves me. The memories of Erick were still there, but not in that moment. At that moment, it was just Ben and me.
The world was outside that room, far, far away, even though it was just a couple of steps away. The only thing that counts that moment was us two and nothing else.
I know that I wasn't afraid anymore of loving someone.
