Things I didn't like:
*You grammer and punctuation are in need of fixing. I would suggest a editor or using spell check.
*I would suggest using Bold or italic when describing who's Point of view it is. And when you do flashbacks. Otherwise it can run together.
Things I did like:
*Your story line is cool. I like how the title really draws you in.
*The detail in it is great.
Overall, I give you 3/5 because, you need to fix a few things. Though, keep writing! You have a good story going. :)
