Things I didn't like:
*Every word in the title NEEDS to be be capitalized. (Except for and, or, and of.) So, it looks like this, "Charlie and The Chocolate Factory" not "charlie and the chocolate factory".
* When a new person talks you need to start a new paragraph.
* You need major editing but, most of these things are easy fixes.
Things I did like:
* Your character Ashlyn is very caring and I like her.
Overall, I give you 2/5. You can fix things to bring up your rating.:)
