Things I didn't like:
*Your chapters are a bit short for my taste. Exspecially the first one. Maybe try to add more detail into what they are doing instead of just talking.:P
Things I did like:
*Your book generally has a good plot and story ideas you just need more.
Overall, I give you 3/5 there isn't much to critique on. You need more pictures. Pictures readers can make in their heads with your books.:D
