Things I didn't like:
*Your paragraphs are very slow in my perspective. Maybe you could use. bigger words to make it bit faster phase.
*There are a few grammer errors. Nothing spell check can't fix!:-)
Things I did like:
*Your despcrition of things is fantastic!
*I really like the start to it and the cliffhanger at the end is awesome!
Overall, I give you a 4/5 stars. You could improve a bit but I liked it! Sorry it's so late there's a cute picture on the side to hopefully make up for it! Sorry!
