I NEED YOU. [✔]

My Blood Sweat and Tears

A/N

Okay I had to do that with the title 😂 I just had to. And how's the book going? I've got a good plan for the storyline, but there's no point in having a well planned storyline for a rubbish book 😂

Kidney cancer...

Those words swam around my head all night. We had walked home in silence, my eomma and me being the only two who knew what was wrong, but our sadness rubbed off on the kids. Not even Haneul smiled. That must be a first.

It was well past midnight when the thought I'd had earlier came back to me. On top off everything, there was that. I was sad that I was most likely going to leave my family, and I was worried about how they would go on if I died. But one thought lingered in my mind, making the situation even more bitter.

For a lot of my life, I've listened to BTS. They're good singers. But around that time, I had been connecting with their music. It had been what pulled me through. It sounds cheesy, but I owed a lot to them. Still do. They didn't know I existed. I knew everything there was to know about them. I could recite their names with their birthdays and heights off by heart. But I was going to die, without ever seeing them in real life. And that made it all worse, because without them, I wouldn't have been motivated enough to take care of the kids, or to put up with the boss harassing me. They, along with my eomma, were what helped me endure the hell that stayed behind closed curtains at my work.

They gave me 6 months to live. 6 months. I was devastated. Eomma wouldn't let me work anymore. She said I should spend time with the kids.  Yeji was really curious though, and was constantly asking what the doctor said. So instead of that, I spent most of my time in my room, crying while listening to BTS. I took Haneul with me when she needed to sleep. She stroked the screen. And for a few seconds, I laughed.

She giggled when I laughed, so I smiled at her. Then, I realised something. When she got older, she wouldn't remember me. I would just be a name. A face in a picture. Even though I was smiling, I could feel warmth on my cheeks, and wetness on my chin. I was crying through my smile. I was going to die. And there was no way to stop it.

Even if eomma saved up big time, there wouldn't be enough money for the operation I needed. My cancer was still at the stage where it could be removed, but because I was born in Korea, our lack of money meant no insurance. No health care. If we got ill, just hope for the best. But now my life was dependant on money that we didn't have, and couldn't get in time. I was going to die... A virgin. (oH mY lOrDy GoRdOn ThE bOuRbOn HoW sAd) I was going to leave my family to burn, and still Haneul managed to smile at me.

Children are so innocent. They don't know what's so wrong with the world, they don't understand the problems of life. They just eat, sleep, shit and repeat. Simple. No worries. No problems. Sitting with Haneul in my arms, I picked up the only, old smart-ish-phone and get up the Blood, Sweat and Tears MV, showing Haneul every second of it. She watched intently, before falling asleep. So cute.

Looking at the paused video on the yellowed screen, I saw all seven boys looking at me. Glancing at each of them one by one, I realised Taehyung's face. He was my bias. His facial expression was seductive, because of the MVs concept, but I couldn't help squealing. He's. Just
Too. Damn. Sexy. And. Cute. At. The. Same. Damn. Time. I genuinely want to swim to Korea. And that's probably not a good thing.

Watching BTS really helped. They were happy-go-lucky and too hot for my ovaries simultaneously. The first time I saw Taehyung, BOOM, I'm pregnant. But it was afterwards that it hit me. I spent my time alone, in my room, dying over hot Korean males. What the hell am I doing?

Oh yeah, I'm dying.

This whole kidney cancer thing was really easy to forget. It would just flash in my mind and leave me in a sad state of mind for the rest of the day. A month had passed when I came up with an idea. My eomma was putting a lot of effort into getting money. But at the rate she was going, I would have never got the operation. But we would have enough money to buy one plane ticket to a certain country...