Emily.

Emily 47.

Emily!

Em.

I woke up around midday and stared at the wall and giggled, yay, Denzel loves me now in real life.

?Yay. He loves me!? I muttered and laughed. I felt a bit of pain so I lay back and thought about stuff. I kept laughing, and sighing. He came in the room angry, he sat down and took my clothes and threw it at me.

?Change and get out.? He said with his back to me.

?What's wrong??

?Do what I said Emily.?

?No.?

?NOW.? I jumped and quickly put my knickers and bra on and wore my night dress. I crawled behind him and hugged him.

?What's the matter??

?You.?

?How?? I smiled at him.

?Emily what you doing to me man, you made me fuck you, it's ridiculous!?

?NOOO!? I screamed, he made me angry, I sat on the bed and was breathing heavily.

?Yes man, your making things tense between us, stop it.? I shook my head.

?I can't. You should understand, and I thought you wanted me!? I said lost.

?Then, now your just a friend.? He said.

?What because I'm nuts, because I'm stupid and crazy and it's not all jolly up in my head! I HATE YOU!? I screamed. He looked at me and shrugged. I hit him hard and started screaming and hitting him.

?Emily!? He shouted. I kept going until he grabbed my hands. I started crying and remembered how much no one loved me, including him, he's nothing to me now, it's changed, we're distant, I cried more.

?I just want someone to love me, I realised it ain't you, it never will be you. Your just Denzel you want something completely different, to what you see now. I thought sex would change your mind, but here I am again, convincing my self someone loves me, I should kill my self, jump off a cliff or stab my self or get someone to slit my throat, overdose, it's so attractive, I want to do it, and be with my mum, your shit at everything! I hate you so much!? I said slowly and smiled. ?The perfect death would be shooting my self in the mouth, the warm blood pouring out and finally my soul going, I'd be so happy. The moment death knocks me down, I'll be the happiest human that ever existed!? I smiled thinking about the beautiful pain when committing suicide. I've attempted it 3 times, a train, the knife and tablets, he always got in the way. I hate him! He looked at me and didn't say nothing.

?Don't say nothing, your a useless stupid fool, I hope you die!? I said with passion and smiled. ?I hope you do Denzel, then you can see how people feel and how they go insane!? He tried to touch me.

?You don't mean that Em, none of what ever you just said.?

?I mean it, I just want one thing to make me happy, it's not you! Don't worry. Your that stupid idiot that gets all the love he wants, but can't show the one person who loves him so much his true feelings. Rot in hell!? I said and walked out the room. I went and took some tablets and had a shower. I had a lovely bubble bath, his mum told me not to sit in cold water when I'm upset, warm can relax my mind, she's right I sighed and put my head back and thought about everything. I muttered a few things and sighed, I would get better and get away from Denzel, he's pissing me off, I hate him. What a useless person, I love him, even when I was with Marcel, I was just confused, but it's okay, love isn't for everyone, is it? So it doesn't matter. I thought he had all the answers. He has nothing, waste of time. I got out the shower and wrapped my self up and walked in my room and sat at the table and creamed my self and everything. He came in with a glass of water and more tablets. I looked at him wondering.