Emily.

Emily 48.

Emily!

I sat in my room back at Denzel's thinking, he wasn't speaking to me, and he was just acting like I didn't exist. I actually decided to leave things, I need to move on, the friendship had died, so what's there to have now, I've lost everything and everyone, clearly my fault, great. I sighed and smiled, I had the perfect idea, I was going to get better to prove I can do something with my self, I hated the pills but I will take them, eat healthily and move on. Just try it.

Many weeks passed by, I was okay now, I apologized to Stacey about my behaviour and tried to get on with things, it wasn't easy, looking at Denzel everyday and wishing he would talk to me, it would quicken the process of my medication, but his mum said it was best I didn't, and left it to cool for a while. I began writing letters in all the time I had, letters to everyone, I just felt like it, I was getting better so I wanted to write my thoughts down, about Denzel, his family, how they live, how happy I was starting to get, but upset I ruined many things, especially opportunities, but there was a glow now, I was happy. I knew I was happy, inside, I was. I wrote about my friendship with people, my past, the bits people didn't know; I wrote everything. I sighed and put them in separate envelopes and put them on the desk. I looked at myself in the mirror. I smiled and thought of my mum, I know I don't let her down, how I've responded is just natural, I just couldn't deal with being an orphan. I don't deserve it, no one does, now I was getting better, I hope. I wrote in my diary all my plans for the next few weeks. I hope I just don't make the wrong decisions, I need to move on from the past, I have the perfect plans, all I need is hope! And I'm there. I took another tablet and sighed. Just 4 more to go! I heard giggling, I turned and saw this white girl and him going to his room, I looked back at the mirror, if he's happy, then I know I can leave knowing nothing will sadden the both of us, I needed to get away, because I wanted to and because of the future within me. We weren't suppose to be. I painted my nails and did my hair. I started sorting my clothes out because I was bored. I packed everything up and took a trip to my doctor. There was something I was finally looking forward to something. I got there and he smiled at me and let me through.

?Looking healthy.? He smiled. I nodded.

?Thanks for you help, Diane's helping me too!? I smiled.

?Yes, that's very good. How has things been since.?

?I haven't told her about the pregnancy, seeing as everything is complicated, I am also thinking of moving.? It was complicated, but I was pregnant, my doctor had told me when I came for a personal check-up, this actually made me determined, and I was finally happy, but yet sad, I was thinking about Denzel, what would he say?

?I understand, oh where??

?I've been looking at LA homes, America, I just want to finish my medication, are you sure it's not affecting her?? I said concerned. He laughed.

?Emily, it could be a boy, and no your medication is working on the brain not the system. Just focusing on one point, it is not harming the child.? He said. I smiled and sighed.

?I just don't want to ruin his life.? I said.

?You can tell him, he is the father.? I shook my head.

?I've already ruined our friendship, I am not ruining his life, he looks like he's settling with this girl, I just don't want to stress. I'm just gonna let this month go by and see my self off.? I sighed. He nodded giving me a prescription.

?Take is easy, no stress, and no thinking, just relax.?

?Okay.? I started getting worried, he might tell Diane, who will kill Denzel. ?Your not going to tell her right?? I said worried. He shook his head and smiled.