The Mob Queen• Laurinah[COMPLETED]

Without Her

Dinah

That night I laid in bed.

I did not sleep.

I did not move.

I did not speak.

I just stared at the ceiling, replaying the scene of Lauren crying as I told her I was with somebody else.

She looked completely heartbroken and it hurt me to think about how I lied to her.

I loved her and I wanted nothing more than to have her back with me and in my arms, but I just couldn't. Whenever I was with her, she was in danger. She always ended up getting hurt and that wasn't something I couldn't afford to happen again.

James Blunt music played quietly from the record player as Mariah's head stayed on my chest, her sleeping figure reminding me of Lauren in my arms.

In my head I imagined that she was Lauren. That this was just another normal night and everything had been okay but it wasn't. She wasn't Lauren and she would never be.

"Momma," Dinah Junior's voice echoed through the large room as she pushed the door open a little and peaked her head in before stepping in fully.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Can I sweep with you?" I smiled at her pronunciation but nodded anyways as she walked over to the bed. Pulling her up to me effortlessly, she laid on the other side of me. It was silent but I knew she wasn't asleep, I could feel her eyes on me.

"Momma?" She broke the silence once again and I looked down at her.

"Mhm?"

"Why did you make mommy leave?"

Her question caught me off guard and I could feel my heart rate increase from the small child's observation.

"I didn't baby boo. See, Mariah is right here," I tried to convince her but I could see she didn't believe me. She was a smart child.

"That not mommy, that Mariah," Dinah spoke and I frowned.

"Well, she's your mommy now. Okay?"

"When can I go see mommy? I miss her." She didn't seem to give a care about Mariah or the fact she was becoming her mommy and I felt a pang of guilt when she asked her other questions. "Mommy use to sing me to bed. She is not here no more." Frowning, I pulled her close.

"What did she sing?"

"Why?" Why was my child so quizzical was the real question but I ignored it.

"What did she sing to you?"

"Don't know. Mommy said it was special song. Make me feel better," she explained and I frowned, not happy with the answer I had gotten. "I want to see mommy."

"Baby it's late. Maybe tomorrow we can get her to come over and you can see her."

"No, I want mommy now!" When her tone raised, I knew there was stopping her now as she huffed in frustration

"Come on bugs, let's sleep."

"I want mommy!" She yelled and this time it was enough to wake up Mariah. "I want mommy now! I want mommy now!"