Supernatural in Real Life 5

Chapter 24

When Alexis and Michael finally return to the bunker, it's nearly five in the morning, and Alexis is practically bouncing off the walls from excitement. They may have overstayed their half hour, but no one will know because of the time flow difference. Michael walks up to Lucifer, who had been messing with the fire in his palm. Michael can't deny that it looks pretty cool.
"Luce, can I talk to you?" Michael asks in a low voice. "Alone?"
"Of course," Lucifer replies immediately, standing up. "Where?"
Michael touches his arm, only for a brief moment as he teleports them to the first place he can think of. He's sort of surprised at how warm Hawaii is this time of year in comparison to Massachusetts. Lucifer looks around and chuckles to himself.
"What?" Michael asks curiously.
"Gabriel and I had some awesome tricks here," Lucifer replies vaguely. "Anyway, what's up, Mike?"
"I think I have a problem," Michael tells him.
"That's what I'm here for," Lucifer replies. "What is it?"
"I think Alexis and I are soulmates."
Lucifer is so surprised, he starts choking on air. When he recovers himself, he just says, "What?"
Michael explains, "She brought them up while we were in Heaven. I just kinda passed it off as nothing, but now... You know that I've never been... Romantically involved with anyone."
Lucifer nods. "I mean, I sorta guessed, yeah."
"Well, I've always thought it would mess with my rule of Heaven, so I decided long ago I never would," Michael informs him. "But with Alexis, things are different. There's no way I would have changed my mind about this on my own. The only explanation I can think of is that we're soulmates."
"Is that a problem?" Lucifer asks.
"Yes! Yes, it's a problem! I don't do this romance thing! I don't want to do this romance thing! But now I'm being pulled into it and I don't want to be and I just don't know what to do."
Lucifer chuckles. "You could just do nothing," he suggests. "Just let destiny play its course. If you really are soulmates, and honesty, I wouldn't be surprised, then you'll be happy with her. I don't see the problem here."
"Because if we are soulmates, and I'm almost positive we are, then we have to have a kid!" Michael hisses. "I don't want to have a kid! I don't want to go through the process to have a kid! And even if we do have a kid, as soon as that's done, neither of us will care anymore. I don't want to stick her with a kid to take care of, but there's no way I'm taking care of it. I hate kids. You know that."
"You're stressing out about this way too much," Lucifer tells him. "Just let it happen. It's going to, anyway. You might as well go about it the easy way."
"No, you don't understand --"
"Uh, yeah. I do," Lucifer interrupts. "Don't forget, I was in your boat not long ago."
"But you like Bailey anyway! I only think I like Alexis cuz Dad is making me but --"
"Seriously, Michael. Calm down," Lucifer advises him. "I didn't want to fall in love with Bailey just like you don't want to fall in love with Alexis. But I did, and it didn't just end because we had Macie. We're still happy together. And it's not like I haven't given her an easy out."
"But I don't want a soulmate!" Michael practically yells.
"Not yet," Lucifer corrects him. "But you will. Give it time. Pretty soon, you'll love being with her, and the soulmate bond won't matter."
"But I don't want that, either! I want things to just stay the same. I want to be the lonely angel I've always been with like two friends and the kingdom of Heaven in the palm of my hand. I don't want some girl to screw that up for me."
"Trust me, it won't feel like she screwed it up pretty soon. You'll love her as more than just a soulmate."
"That's not any better," Michael replies.
"Okay, what part of this are you concerned about?" Lucifer asks. "Because I don't know what I'm supposed to be saying right now."
"All of it."
Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but why? Because I can't tell you you're being an idiot if I don't know what you're being an idiot about."
"I don't care if you think I'm an idiot," Michael replies. "I just want an out."
"There is no out, idiot," Lucifer tells him. "So suck it up, buttercup. You can't change destiny. If you're soulmates, that's that. Just wait 'til you have the kid and then get lost."
"But I don't want to have a kid!" Michael complains.
"Too bad, so sad. I'm, like, eighty-six percent sure you'll change your mind."
"I'm not changing my mind," he says stubbornly.
"Dude, even I changed my mind about this, and I'm both the most stubborn and antisocial person I know."
"Yeah, but now you're --" Michael cuts himself off, shaking his head. "Never mind."
"Now I'm what?" Lucifer asks.
"Nothing."
"Now I'm what?"
"Now you're different, okay?" Michael finishes. "This changed you. She changed you. And maybe it worked out okay for you, but I'm the ruler of Heaven. I haven't changed in... I don't know, probably since the fall. I can't change, because if I change, Heaven changes, and nothing good can come of Heaven changing."
"Then don't let her change you?" Lucifer suggests. "I don't know. If you're really worried about this, then maybe you should try to figure out if you're really soulmates. Maybe you're freaking out over nothing."
"How do you propose I do that?" Michael challenges. "It's not like Heaven has a file system of soulmates or something."
"I don't know. Um... What soulmate stuff has happened with you?"
Michael thinks about this for a moment. "Well, there's the fact that I would even consider... I don't know. I don't -- I don't know what people call this."
"Dating?" Lucifer suggests.
"I don't... I don't think it's dating... Then again, what would I know?" Michael sighs. "I don't know how humans do this. They make it look so easy."
Lucifer chuckles. "No, you just over complicate things," he replies.
"So is this not how it went with you?" Michael asks helplessly.
"No, but I had a bit of a different situation," he replies vaguely. For example, the thought of soulmates hadn't even crossed his mind until he found out Bailey was pregnant. Who can blame him, though? No other angel had ever had a soulmate before. They shouldn't have been able to. "Besides, I had Mark yelling at me to make a move for days."
"That's been Matt for the last couple days, too," Michael admits. "Except I think he was joking. Sort of." He pauses. "Nope, he meant it."
Lucifer chuckles. "If there's one thing vessels have in common, it's that they're really, really annoying."
"Matt says 'Screw you,'" Michael tells him.
"Right back at ya, Matt," Lucifer replies.
They start bickering for an excessively long time, to the point where Michael gives up being the translator and just gives Matt control. When Lucifer gets at it with someone, he really gets at it, and even Michael can't listen to that for too long.