Atelophobia|| victuri

Helpless

Hi!

Since they're going to be in Russia in this chapter, I thought it would be a good time to write a little about Viktor's backstory!  This story is set in 2014 by the way because I think the GPF was held in Barcelona that year.

Also this is over 15,000 words long, I'm so sorry.

I dedicate this chapter to Valery153 Victor_Katsuki hufflepouf and KittenKatter :)

There are Mentions of Panic attacks/Suicide/Homophobia in this chapter so if any of these things trigger you, I suggest skipping this chapter! Stay safe :)

(I haven't read over this, I'll correct it in the morning)

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Leaning on the wall of the rink with his nails digging into his palms was certainly not how Yuuri imagined that his last proper day of training would go. They were going to be flying out to Russia later that day in preparation for the Rostelecom Cup. Yuuri gulped and his stomach lurched at the thought of it. He screwed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths before skating off to practice some of his quads.

The thought of failing had always been one that had terrified Yuuri. Well- maybe it was more of a case of feeling like a failure. He had strived for years to feel content with himself and comfortable in his own skin, but the feeling of hopelessness at the thought of disappointing the people he loved had stuck with him. The thing was, now that Viktor was here, not did he only have to prove himself but he had to prove that Viktor was a great coach too. Any mistake would probably tarnish Viktor's reputation as the worlds most decorated figure skater in the world and it would be entirely Yuuri's fault.

He knew that many, many people thought that he wasn't good enough for Viktor. Why would he be? Yuri had barley anything to his name, but what didn't Viktor have to his name? Yuuri was just another ordinary, dime-a-dozen figure skaters in the sport. What made him special? What did Viktor see in him? Because the way that Yuuri saw it, Yuuri was just a small speck of dust, and Viktor was the entire universe.

He didn't want to disappoint Viktor. He didn't want to disappoint his family. He didn't want to disappoint Yuko and Takeshi. He didn't want to disappoint Japan. He'd carried a world of expectations on his shoulders for so many years now, he constantly felt as if he was going to crumble at any second.

When would people realise that there was nothing special about him? That we was just an ordinary figure skater? That he wasn't as talented as people made him out to be? That he didn't deserve all the praise he got, because at the end of the day, he was a nobody compared to his fellow competitors (and Viktor).

He'd come to practice earlier than usual. Tossing and turning in bed for hours had done him no good, so he decided to do something mildly productive with his time instead of just wasting it. They normally went to practice around 8am, but an early start wouldn't do any harm, would it? Viktor would probably turn up soon and Yuuri was sure that he would mind him starting earlier than usual. Yuuri knew that Viktor respected that he needed some time to skate alone sometimes.

Yuuri felt in edge for some reason- maybe it was because this would be the last training session before the Rostelecom Cup. Maybe it was because this would possibly his last ever training session with Viktor if he failed to qualify for the Grand Prix. He didn't really want to think about it in that way, but he couldn't help it. Viktor would have no reason to stay with him any longer if he failed to qualify, Yuuri had held him from his career for long enough. He had no reason to keep him away from the ice for longer than necessary.