A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

Don't Fight Me On This

I sat by Arizona's bedside in this all too familiar situation. I held her hand, drawing rough circles with my thumb, trying desperately to occupy my mind. How was I supposed to tell her? How could I be the one to do this to her after everything I've put her through. It was my own fault really, I didn't want anyone else to tell her. It had to come from me. As my mind wandered through a distant fog it was Arizona's eye fluttering open that pulled me back to reality.

"Hey" I said softly as I gave her hand a gentle squeeze

"Hi" she rasped hoarsely as she tried to clear her throat

"Hey, hold on I'll get you some water" I jumped from the chair, a bit over eager to avoid the situation

I poured a small cup of water and handed it gently to Arizona, watching her take a mouthful as relief flooded her face

"I needed that" she sighed as she lay her head back against the pillow

I took the cup from her and placed it on the locker beside her bed. I turned and sat back down beside her, taking her hand back into mine.

"What's going on?" she asked in concern "Why did I faint like that?"

"Uhm" I took a deep breath as I tried to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat "So when I got you here they decided to run some tests, just in case it was something more than just your average lack of food or sleep type of fainting." I explained

Arizona nodded, confirming she was following what I was saying while also indicating for me to continue

"They discovered a tumor on your brain Arizona" I whispered grimly as I hung my head, unable to look her in the eye

"Jamie" she said

"Yes" I mumbled, still staring at my hands

"Jamie look at me" she said sternly

I raised my head so that I was now looking up into her eyes, confused at her sudden change of tone

"Jamie Grace Quinn I know you are my wife but you are also a doctor, as am I. Please do not treat me like a child. Tell me exactly what the hell is happening to me" she ordered

"They've found a malignant tumor on an inoperable part of your brain that hits your nervous system. If they try to get it out you'll be completely paralyzed or you'll die on the table. But there's still a chance you can fight this, there's radiotherapy that can shrink the size of the tumor and maybe then there's a chance they can remove it" I explained, trying to sound hopeful

"I want to go home" she mumbled as she stared off into the distance

"What? Arizona you can't go home, we have stay here and work on fight-" I began to protest before she cut me off

"Jamie, I said I want to go home. I'm not fighting this. Everything is just a chance, and these 'chances' are completely against me. I want to spend time with my son and my wife and I want to keep working until I can't. And please do not fight me on this Jamie, I need you. I need your strength and your love." She put her foot down and that was the end of the discussion

"Arizona are you hearing yourself right now?!" I asked incredulously "You could fight this, you need to fight this. Kayden needs his mom. And I need my wife. You know I can't survive without you Arizona" I begged as tears filled my eyes

"Jamie do not go against me on this. I need you on my side. You need to accept the fact that I'm going to die, and I intend on leaving with my dignity still intact. Not hooked up to some machine, so sick I can't even hold my son anymore, grasping at the ridiculous idea of hope." She argued in frustration as she began to raise her voice

"Arizona" I choked, the tears finally began to run down my cheeks as I shook my head in protest "Don't do this to me baby please" I begged with a quivering lip as I sat beside her in the bed "I need you Arizona, I don't know how to do this without you, I can't lose you"

"Jamie" she hushed as she pulled me in closer to her "It's going to be okay, just keep loving me okay, just keep being my amazing wife, that's all I ask" she said softly as she kissed the top of my head

I nodded as I wiped away my tears and held her tightly

"You don't get to be stronger than me on this one okay?" I said with a sad smile as I looked up into her deep blue eyes

"Okay" she whispered, as she settled herself in the bed and closed her eyes

"Get some rest" I whispered sweetly, kissing the side of her head as I stood up from the bed and rested against the table, waiting silently for Arizona to fall asleep

"Jamie?" I heard a familiar voice come from the doorway

"What are you doing here?" I whispered harshly as I walked towards her, closing the door behind me so as not to wake Arizona

"I heard the news, I just came to see if you were okay" she replied timidly

"In front of Arizona? Amelia are you crazy?" I raised my voice a little more now

"Jamie calm down, I wasn't going to march in and make out with you right in front of her, I do work in this hospital you know and Arizona has a brain tumor, I am a neurosurgeon, in case that slipped your mind. She knows we're friends. I'm just checking up on a friend, that's all" she reassured me

I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding in. I hung my head in embarrassment as I nodded in agreement to her explanation.

"You're right, I'm sorry for overreacting" I apologized

"Come with me" she said softly as she grabbed my hand and led me down the hallway towards the on call room

We entered the room and sat down on one of the beds opposite the door.

"Amelia, seriously? My wife's dying and you want to have sex, are you kidding me?" I said in shock

"Jesus Christ Jamie, I have a heart! You needed to get out of that room, you need a minute to breath. I just brought you here so that you can have a minute to process this" Amelia scoffed

"Oh sorry, I don't mean to be such a jerk today" I said, feeling guilty for being such an ass

"Hey, you have every right to be. This is scary Jamie, I get that" she said supportively as she placed her arms around me

I lay down on the bed and pulled Amelia down beside me as I lay my head against her chest. Letting the silence flood us as I listened to the soothing rhythm of her heartbeat.

"She doesn't want the treatment Ame, she wants to die" I broke the silence with my sobs

"You have to support her Jamie, you don't want to spend your precious time with her fighting. It's not worth it. You know when Arizona makes up her mind she doesn't go back on her decisions. Just love her, be there for her and live every single day as best you possibly can" she encouraged

"I don't deserve you" I mumbled into her shoulder as I kissed it softly

"You know what this means Jamie, don't you" she sighed

"What?" I looked up at her in confusion

"We can't keep doing this Jay. You need to be there for Arizona, I can't get in the way of that. I'm already doing enough harm by letting you cheat on her. But you need to focus on her now, she's your wife, and no matter how you feel about me, I know you'd leave me in a heartbeat to be with her and don't deny it. I don't want you to. I know you adore her." she said wisely

"You're right" I let out a breath "But you'll wait for me, won't you? When she leaves me I'm going to need you. I need you to promise me you won't let me slip back into my old habits." I asked as I propped myself up on my elbow to look down at her

"Of course" she smiled lovingly

I leaned down and brought my lips to hers in one last sweet kiss before sitting up and leaving her side.

"Goodbye Amelia"

"Goodbye Jamie"