A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

Normal, Simple, Easy

"Alright we've got a multi car pile up on the freeway, first victims of the crash are on their way. Residents triage each of them, Attendings I need you guys all hands on deck in the OR's." Dr Hunt began to direct us as we prepared for the whirlwind that was approaching

This is the one thing, other than Amelia of course, that has kept me from drowning since I lost Arizona. This job was all I knew. I threw myself into my work each and every day for the past 6 months and I didn't intend on stopping any time soon. It was days like these I was grateful for, a horrible thing to say, I know. Innocent lives were at stake but it kept me on my toes, it challenged me to push myself to keep these people alive so that they could go home and see their families. I don't know why I keep pushing myself. Maybe I'm trying to rewrite the past. Maybe I'm trying to give these strangers the chance Arizona never had.

"Quinn, this ones for you" April Kepner's voice dragged me from my thoughts "Susan Reddington, 45 year old female with cardiogenic pulmonary oedema, she's also got some tenderness in the upper right quadrant, quite possibly some internal bleeding there" Kepner filled me in

"Thanks Kepner. Dr Flores book an OR for me stat." I ordered one of the interns "DeLuca can you help me take this woman for a CT Scan? I want to get a proper look before I cut her open. And can somebody page Dr Grey 911 please?" I was 100% focused on the task in front of me, I was in my zone and nothing could sway my attention

I began jogging to the elevator with Dr DeLuca by my side. We wheeled the patient into the elevator and made our way to the scanner.

Once we had finished there and I had looked over her results, we rushed her to the OR. Meredith was already up to date on the situation and was already scrubbing in. DeLuca left to return to the ER as I began scrubbing alongside Meredith.

"You ok?" Meredith asked before we entered the OR

"Of course" I smiled reassuringly "Why wouldn't I be?" I asked rhetorically before walking ahead of her and into the OR to be gowned and gloved

I stepped up to the operating table and held my hands above the sterile field, waiting for Meredith to join me.

"10 blade" I said monotonously as soon as Mer was prepped and ready

I began the incision and inspected the damage. I began draining her lungs of the excessive fluid and suddenly the room felt eerily quiet so I felt I had to try and break the silence in some way.

"Thank you for the flowers you put on her grave last week, they're beautiful" I spoke up as Meredith looked up to face me

"Oh it's no problem. I just can't believe it's been 6 months already" she admitted

"Yeah" I sighed "It's crazy"

"How are you coping Jamie?" she asked sincerely

"I've got work, and when I'm not here I'm busy with Kayden. He's reaching the terrible twos now and he's keeping me on my feet" I smiled halfheartedly behind my surgical mask, knowing Meredith couldn't see

"You know if you ever need to talk, I'm always right here" she said supportively

"Thanks Mer" I said genuinely as I continued on with the procedure

Meredith continued to look at me as her hands continued to operate almost instinctively. I knew she had something on her mind, she just couldn't bring herself to say it.

"What is it?" I sighed

"Nothing" she mumbled dismissively

"Meredith" I gave her a stern look

"I want you to be happy Jamie that's all" she replied

"That's not what you wanted to say" I knew her too well

"I'm worried you're not coping Jamie, I'm worried that you haven't given yourself any time to grieve over her. You lost your wife Jamie. That's a big deal but you're throwing yourself into everything and you're not giving yourself time to heal." she admitted

"You don't think I know it's a big deal Meredith? I grieve for her every single day that she's been gone. I wake up in the morning and for a split second I forget everything that's happened and I expect her to be lying there beside me and then reality kicks and I'm lying there alone" I began to choke up

"Jamie" she whispered in reply

"You don't think I regret meeting her? There's not a day goes by that I don't curse this damn hospital! I wish I never laid eyes on her, I wish we never met. If I had never laid eyes on her then I would never have fallen in love and she wouldn't have fallen in love and that may have made for two more lonely people in this world but also a lot less pain. I never wanted normal, simple or easy. I wanted painful, difficult, devastating, life changing, extraordinary love. And that's what she was, Arizona was extraordinary. But if it were a choice, who would choose this kind of love? I'm tired and I'm broken and I can't do this without her. But I also wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for her. She broke me but I'm thankful for every second I had with her. And now I need to pick myself up and I need to move on" I let out a deep breath as I got this all off my chest

Meredith just continued to stare at me, speechless. I realized that we were more than half way finished the surgery and I was just about ready to close up. It had been a successful surgery and a life I so desperately needed to save, so that I could save my own sanity. After admitting this out loud to Meredith, I knew there was something I had to do, so that I could truly move on.

"Mer I'm finished here, could you close up? There's somewhere I need to be" I said before stepping away from the table and removing my gown and gloves.

"Of course, go do what you have to do" she said sincerely

I exited the OR and went to the attending's lounge to change before leaving the hospital.

***

I soon returned to the hospital and went back to the attending's lounge. It was late evening and the sun was setting on the other side of the hospital. The room became dark and I just stood in the corner.

Not long after, the woman I had been waiting for arrived. Amelia entered the room, taking no notice of my presence as I blended into the background of the corner. I watched her as she walked towards her locker and began removing her white coat. Before placing it into her locker she noticed a small, neatly wrapped box sat in the center of it. A small smile crept onto her face as she removed the box and began to open it. Inside there was a key attached to a key ring with her name inscribed on it. A look of confusion spread across her face so I decided to make my presence felt.

"Hi" I began quietly as I walked out of the shadows

Amelia jumped slightly before realizing it was me.

"Jeez" she breathed "Don't sneak up on me like that" she gave a small laugh

"Sorry" I smiled

"What's this?" she asked as she held up the box for me to see

"Move in with me" I said unwaveringly

"What?" she asked in surprise

"It's a key to my house. I want you to move in with me. I'm done hiding. I'm ready to be happy again. I just want normal. I'm done running and I'm done hurting. I just want simple. I want you and I want us to be together. I want easy. Amelia, I want normal, simple, easy love." I said wholeheartedly

She ran to me and pulled me into her as her lips connected with mine. I felt her grin against my lips and I knew this is also what she wanted.

"Jamie Quinn if my life is a life with you in it then nothing is ever going to be normal, simple or easy it's going to be extraordinary, difficult and its going to be a challenge but my god are you a challenge I want ever single day of my life" she beamed

"I freakin' love you" I laughed as I kissed her once more "Is that a yes then?" I asked once she pulled away

"Of course it's a yes" she replied excitedly