A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

Arizona

It had been two months since Arizona had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. She refused any treatment given to her and I refused to have Amelia go anywhere near her. No way was I letting her operate on Arizona, there are plenty of neurosurgeons across the country. I did not want Arizona's death on Amelia's shoulders, I couldn't do that to her. Besides, Arizona didn't want any procedures anyway. She wanted to let this cancer take its course, and soon it would take her from me. A month ago she had to finish up working, the tumor was affecting her mobility as it pressed on the part of her brain connected to the spinal cord. She got tired pretty easily and she was forgetting little things. So for the last month she has spent every minute with Kayden and I. I've been off work the last two weeks as I had some holiday time to take. It was so beautiful just getting to spend time as a family, something that had been so rare. But this was a bitter sweet moment, because I knew this family time was soon to be short lived.

I was driving through the streets of Seattle, on my way to Grey-Sloan Memorial as my mind reverted back to the conversation that had me here in the first place.

"Jamie?" I heard her soft voice calling from our bedroom

"Yeah babe?" I said smiling as I walked in and sat on the end of the bed, watching her frail features as she tried to pull herself up

"I need you to do something for me" she said cautiously

"Anything" I replied, giving her leg a supportive squeeze

"Jamie, I'm not getting any better. I can barely leave this damn bed. I know that it's selfish of me to ask this of you but I need you to help me, when the time comes" She began to talk circles around what she really wanted to say but I knew exactly what she was trying to ask of me

"No Arizona no, I'm sorry but I can't do that. I love you too much, I need you here, with me, with Kayden!" I said in shock as I stood up from the bed

"Jamie, please just hear me out" she begged as she stretched out her arm to try and stop me

"Arizona I am not helping you kill yourself do you hear me? I'm already losing a life time with you and I am not going to make it any shorter" I leaned in to her as I spoke in a low, vicious tone as not to disturb Kayden

"Jamie" she began as her bottom lip quivered

I couldn't stay in that room another second and so I stormed out and into the kitchen. I let out a deep sigh of regret. I had just been a complete bitch for no reason. My wife was crying out for help, she was in pain. And all I could do was think about myself, as usual.

So here I was, walking through the halls of the hospital, my hands balled into tight fists as the painful memory of the argument flashed back into my mind. That was just last week. And in that short space of time, Arizona's condition worsened tremendously. All she could do was sleep and maybe read a bed time story or two to Kayden. She had given up and no matter how hard I tried to help her, she just wanted to let it all go. So I was left with no choice.

I made my way to the long block of metal drawers containing different types of medication for the patients. I found the drawer full of painkillers and unlocked it with Arizona's ID badge, she wanted to make sure I didn't lose my job after she was gone. I began taking small glass bottles containing doses of Morphine and stashing them into my handbag. When I was satisfied I had enough, I closed up the drawer and began walking towards one of the storage rooms. I entered quietly and took one of the sterile syringes and some wipes containing some local anesthetic. I left the storage room and exited the hospital as quickly as I could without being detected.

I arrived home shortly afterwards. The sun had set and it was time to get Kayden to bed. I brought him into our room so that he could give his mommy one last kiss good night. Arizona held him tightly in her arms as she read him his favorite story. She hugged him and kissed his shaggy blonde hair and let him waddle back to me. I brought him to his room and put him into his cot. Placing a gentle kiss on his forehead as I watched him fall asleep.