Loveless♣

Chapter 16

  Her hair was different.It was darker,a mix of black and brown,and the curls were gone.It was straightened,then coloured a deep purple at the tip.Her suit was an expensive two piece designer cut one,and it was striped.Her neck was adorned with an ace shaped emerald jewel that rested between the swell of her breasts,and had a matching bracelet.She still possessed that twinkle in her eye and dimple in her cheek.
Joshua was in shock.Every nerve of his body was at a standstill.He was staring at her standing in his living room and he still couldn't believe it.
She was gorgeous.
He clutched his heart quickly,and let out a relieved breath when he ascertained that it was still beating.He was still alive.He wasn't dead,or dreaming.
Julianne placed her shiny handbag on the centerpiece, and assessed the room,nodding in approval.She walked to the curtains,and touched them.Joshua noticed that her nails were long and beautifully painted.Each finger had the same sort of ring.She opened the curtains and light shone on her.She was practically glowing.
I gotta sit down.
Joshua quickly followed his train of thought and grabbed the arm of the nearest couch.He sat slowly,never taking his eyes off her.It was as though she would disappear if he even blinked.
I must be hallucinating.
Then she turned and smiled at him.
"Wow,Joshua,you never told me you were doing so wonderfully well.You're done with college,right?"she asked,removing her blazer and settling down opposite him.
He only stared at her.
She laughed at his expression,and he felt his stomach turn.
It was the same laughter from years ago.
"Julianne," he said,finally finding his voice.
"Yes,little Josh,it's me.Julianne, Julianne.Like the song,right?"
He paused.Then leaned forward and rested his elbow on his knees.
"Julianne,it's been eight years since I last saw you.Eight years...I...I didn't even hear a word from you.All my calls,my letters,I..I reached out to you,Julianne.Where'd you go?Where the hell have you been?"
"So many questions,so little time to answer them."She sighed,and studied him."God,you're so handsome.You always were cute,but now you're so..."She laughed."You're a man now,little Josh.When I left,you were just sixteen.Always wearing that cute scowl on your face,pretending to be a man.Always protecting Patticakes,protecting me...I missed you,Joshua.It amazed me that such little time I spent with you had so much impact on me."
Joshua sat upright and scoffed."Little time,Julianne?Such little time?You deflowered me,and deflowered and deflowered.I was insane about you,Julianne,and you left!You knew that!"
Julianne gasped."Josh,please...calm down."
"You didn't say a word about you leaving!Four years,Julianne! We were together for four years!"He was on his feet now.
"We weren't exactly a couple,Joshua,what was I supposed to say?I'm sorry I've been sleeping with you all these years and now I have to leave?!I just needed to get away!I know I should've told you,but I didn't want to break your little heart,Josh,I'm sorry."
Joshua fixed her with a cold glare."You didn't break my heart,Julianne,you shattered me."
Julianne clutched her chest,as though he'd just struck here there.
"I stood there,under our sycamore tree,waiting for you.I stood there for hours,tracing the lines of the initials we'd engraved there,waiting for you!"he pointed at her accusingly."When I didn't see you,I thought you'd forgotten even though that was a stupid excuse because you never forgot,Julianne.But I just had to convince myself of that.What else could keep Julianne from missing our appointments?Nothing.I went there for a week,Julianne. Do you know how I found out you were gone?"
She shook her head slightly.There were tears in her eyes,glinting as brightly as her jeweled necklace.
"On a newspaper lying around in our neighborhood.Your face was on the front,Julianne.I never read the news,but for some reason I can't fathom,my eyes were drawn to it.Star Student Gets Accepted On Scholarship To London School Of Business And Finance,UK.I was...dumbfounded.I called your house,and your parents confirmed it.It seemed that everyone knew but me."
"Joshua...I never meant to hurt you,I swear to you."
"But you did! You knew I loved you and you left!"
"Loved..."she muttered softly."Does that mean that..?"
"Oh,what'd you think,Julianne?That I'd remain heartbroken for eight years?I'm so over you and your selfish ass."
   The tears spilled from her then,trickling down both eyes endlessly.Joshua closed his eyes and looked away.He hadn't intended to hurt her.He hated to see her cry.Her tears always affected him deeply.
"Julianne... why'd you come back?"
"I..I..I don't know,"she hiccuped."I couldn't stop thinking about you.All those years,I couldn't love anyone...couldn't be with anyone.I thought I was suffering from some sort of mental blockage or something.Joshua,"she looked up at him,"I was suffering from lack of you.You.The little boy I'd deflowered."She gave a wry laugh."Life can be so cruel."
"You never said it back,"he said.
"What?"
He turned to face her."I love you... you never said it.Why?"
She wiped her face with the back of her hands.Her mascara was running.She fished her bag for a tissue,and cleaned her face gently.
"Answer me,Julianne."
"I did,Joshua,"she said quietly,looking away.
"No,you didn't.Not once.Each time I told I loved you,you either laughed it off or evaded it."
"I did,Joshua."
"No,you didn't!"he yelled,making her jump a little.She knew he had a temper,always had one.She couldn't look at him.She didn't want to face his eyes.
"Joshua,please calm down."
"Why didn't you say it back?!Because you never loved me,Julianne!You only used me to satisfy your selfish sexual desires!"
Her face whipped to his."Selfish sexual desires?"she asked angrily."Joshua,I had a line of boys chasing after me every second but I came to you.Do you think I didn't have plenty to choose from to satisfy my 'sexual desires',huh?It was always you! And you think I never loved you?"
"You were always ashamed to say it,"he told her."You were ashamed to be see with me in public.Ashamed to tell your friends that you were involved with me.Ashamed that you were in love with a sixteen year old boy,right?"
She was silent.
"Am I right,Julianne?!"
"Yes!Yes,you're right,are you happy now?"she retorted.She stood up and walked up to him."What?Did you want me to be the talk of the neighborhood? Did you want me to get arrested?You were a minor,Joshua.I-"
"Oh,cut the crap!Admit it,you cared more about what people thought about you than you did about me.You were selfish,Julianne. You never cared about how I felt.Instead,you dated different boys in my presence."
"Joshua,I never loved them.They were just...for fun.You knew that,"she said,frowning.
"Yeah,and how did that make me feel?Look,Jules,I don't know why you're here or what you came back for and I don't care.I just want you to leave."He pointed to the door.
She smiled sadly."You called me Jules.I haven't heard that in a while.It's such a shame you don't love me anymore...cos I love you more than ever now."
She moved closer to him and touched his face.Joshua withdrew sharply,stepping backwards,out of her touch.
"Leave,Julianne.I never want to see you again."
"Are you sure about that,Joshua?"She took his hand and pulled him towards her until they were face to face.Joshua was slightly taller than her now."After all these years,"she said,"you want me to leave just like that?"
"Yes,and I don't want to see-"
His words ended abruptly when she kissed him.Joshua frowned and released himself.She drew him back,holding the back of his head with her fingers and pressing all of her body onto his.The kiss was deep and passionate.She wound her arms around his neck.Joshua kissed her back aggressively,taking out all his pent up frustration on her.They staggered,then held each other tight to keep firm.
Suddenly,he stopped and limped backwards.
"Just go,Julianne!I don't want this!"
She frowned."Come on,Josh,you're still in love with me!I felt it in that kiss."
"No,you want me to be in love with you.I'm not,"he said,moving back some more.He hit his leg and winced.She rushed to him,and helped him to sit.
"Are you okay?What happened to your leg?"
He looked at her as she sat beside him.She seemed so sad,so genuinely sad.From a closer angle,he could see the telltale signs of aging on her face.A few wrinkles beside her eyes,a slight sag in her cheeks.She was almost thirty after all.He sighed.
"Julianne,"he said softly."I know we had something..something marvelous,but you ruined it.For a long time,I tried to understand why you did what you did,but I couldn't so I decided to get over it.Move on."
She touched his shoulder.
"I truly am sorry,Joshua.If it's any consolation,I really suffered for what I did.My first year in school was horrible,my grades nearly didn't meet par because I couldn't concentrate.I kept thinking about you,"she said.
He smiled sadly."You know,I applied to your school."
She laughed."Seriously?"
"Yeah,I needed to see you.I mean,you wouldn't answer my calls or letters so I figured that talking to you face to face was the best option."
They stared at each other.Joshua shook his head.
"You're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen,Jules.I kept looking for you in every girl I was with.I couldn't fall in love with anyone.Pathetic,right?"
"No,no.That's sweet."She brushed his cheek."Does that mean you aren't with anyone right now?"
He paused,then leaned away from her touch.
"Jules,we can't be together.What we had is over.I'll admit that I still have a scar in my heart,and I still think about you constantly, but I've moved on.I need you to do the same."
He stood up and moved past her to the door.Julianne sat there for a moment,mulling over what he said.He opened the door.
"Julianne,"he said.
She looked back at him,then sighed and arose.She took her bag and jacket and walked to the door.She turned to face him.
"I won't do what you said.Believe me I've tried.I just can't get over you.Consider me obsessed,little Josh."
With that said,she shrugged on her jacket and walked out.Joshua closed the door and rested behind it.He sighed heavily.
God,save me from females.

Holla!This chapter is dedicated to @Nathanama .Thank you for getting me off my lazy ass to update this chapter.Expect one everyday now.I promise!
Oh,and tell all your friends about Loveless! Thanks,y'all.