Loveless♣

Chapter 38

He was exhausted.
He had never been so exhausted in his entire life.
The last time he remembered being this exhausted was the day his mother had died.He had run from the cemetery, as fast as his legs could carry him,ignoring his father's loud angry calls.He hadn't known where he was going,or why he was running.He only knew he had to get away from there.He hadn't even seen where he where he was going because the tears blinded him.
He'd ended up lost in the woods and had spent the night under a tree,his heart beating at an alarming rate,his eyes darting from side to side at every sound of night creatures,and,of course,his chest feeling devoid of something.
Like someone had carved out a part of him and nothing could fill the hole again.
He was empty.
He watched Bella sleep from his seated position on the couch facing the bed.Her chest rose and fell with every breath that she took.
At least she was calm now.
He hadn't slept in two days because of her.
He sighed.
He was exhausted.

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It was too much for one person to bear in one day, Joshua thought as he looked inside the package. He had Bella in his arms.He'd rushed to her when he saw her body dropping to the floor,but had gotten to her a second too late.She had fallen already.She'd fainted from the shock of seeing something so repulsive.
And who wouldn't? The sight in the package was...hideous and nauseating.
Whoever had sent it must have been intent on Bella getting the message quite clearly.
It caused an odious feeling to arise inside Joshua. Something he'd never felt before.A strong kind of hatred,for the man that did that.
As he drove Bella away from her home,he wondered how much pain she'd been through in life.Of course,he'd heard her story but there seemed to be something deeper.
For a man to ejaculate,then spill blood on his semen and send it in wrapped in a box,coupled with a bow.
It was..unbelievable.
Abominable.
He looked at her in the passengers seat.It was too much.
He needed to wash his hands off her.Needed to end whatever friendship or connection they had.
This was getting too deep.
He knew if he held on,she'd imprint on him.
They'd bond in such a way that he'd never be able to untangle himself.
No,he needed to-
It was at this point that Bella began to convulse sporadically.
"Christ," Joshua muttered,startled,and parked the car immediately. He turned to her,his eyes filled with worry."Bella?Bella,are you alright? "
He reached out to touch her,and that was when she vomited.
He drew back immediately.Her head bobbed upwards and downwards as she emptied the contents of her stomach onto the floor of the car.
Joshua cringed as the putrid smell of the vomit filled the car.
"Aw,shit," he said.
She groaned softly when she was done and her head lolled backwards onto the headrest.Her eyelids closed and didn't open again.
They didn't open when he drove to the building he lived in and carried her from the car to his apartment.
Didn't open when he removed her vomit stained clothes and put her in the warm water filled bathtub.
When he packed her long mass of curly brown hair into a bun and bathed every inch of her skin.
When he dressed her in one of his shirts and briefs and covered her with his large blue duvet after placing her in his bed.
She was completely unconscious.
All this was hard for him.
Excruciatingly hard,Joshua thought as he raked a hand through his hair and sighed.
There she was,vulnerable and weak. He could have taken her right then and there.
But,he restrained himself. He wasn't one to take advantage of a woman.No matter how damningly attractive.
He watched her sleep,and checked the time.
2 a.m.
Damn,he was tired.It had been an awfully long day.
Why had he told her he'd follow her to wherever she'd been going in the first place? Why?He could've just stayed with Penny or something.
He thought about it.
Or not.
A day in Bella's life was intriguing albeit dangerous compared to the three months he'd spent with Penelope.
As he turned to leave,he heard Bella whimper.At first he thought she was just having a bad dream,until he turned back and saw tears on her face.Her eyes were still closed but her lips were moving.She was mumbling something,but it was inaudible.
He moved closer to her.
"Bella?"
Her forehead creased and she began to cry out softly.
At first,Joshua could not understand what she was saying,until he got to the bed.
Then he heard it clearly,
"No..papa..please don't. Por favor,papa.Please.Papa,you're hurting me!Why!"
She was shaking back and forth,crossing her arms across her body as though she was protecting herself.
"Bella,wake up," Joshua said quickly,as he sat on the bed.He touched and her and she screamed.
"No,Sebastian,no!I won't let you!Stop!Stop,please! I don't want to!You promised you wouldn't! You promised,Sebastian!"
She was crying hard now,her hands were clawing at her face and arms,clutching at her clothes.
Joshua scooted over to her side of the bed and shook her hard.
"Wake up,Isabella!"
She was still shaking her head wildly and crying.
"I'm sorry,Marabella,I'm sorry.I didn't mean for you to end up like this.Lo siento,por favor,lo siento.Perdonamé.Why can't you forgive me?Please forgive me,Mara,please... Please.."
"BELLA!"
Her eyes flew open and she sat up straight. Her mouth opened to gasp in oxygen. She scooted backwards hurriedly when she saw Joshua and her head hit the headboard.
"No," she shook her head at him and clutched her chest."No,stay away from me,Sebastian! "
Joshua looked at her in shock."Bella,it's me..Joshua.I'm not Sebastian, I won't hurt you.Come he-"
"No!"
Her scream was deafening,and Joshua winced.He looked at her again.She looked terrified. He had never seen anyone look so scared.Her cheeks were wet with tears and she was shaking her head slowly.
"Bella," he said softly. "It was just a dream,okay?Look at me...look at me."
She paused for a long moment,then cocked her head sideways.
"Joshua?"Her lower lip trembled.
He nodded."Yes,it's Joshua.You just had-"
His speech was interrupted when she rushed to him and hugged him tight.
"Jesus,Bella,don't scare me like that again," he said,hugging her back.She buried her face in his neck,inhaling his scent.
They stayed like that for a while,hugging in the dark,hearing only their breathing and their heartbeats.
Then Bella released him slowly,looking away as she did.She wiped her face quickly.She was ashamed he'd seen her cry.Ashamed he'd seen a deeper weaker side of her.
She shifted away from him,and Joshua felt cold immediately. He hadn't even realized how much warmth she'd provided when she hugged him.And not just physical warmth.
She kept looking away as she sat cross legged on the bed and fiddled with her fingers.
She sniffled."Thank you,"she said,without looking at him.
"Uhm..you're welcome."
He waited for her to say more but she just sat still,unmoving.
He cleared his throat, and rose from the bed.
He stared at her,but she looked out the window instead,at the moon.
She was intent on not making eye contact with him...or any form of contact.Like the one she'd so weakly made moments ago.
"I'll be in the guest room if you need me," he said."Um..sleep well.Goodnight."
"Stay."
He froze in his tracks and frowned.Maybe he'd misheard her.He looked at her and for once their gazes met.
"I can't... I can't sleep alone." The words were hard for her to say.She was admitting that she needed him,and Bella never admitted that she needed anyone.
She looked away.
Just for tonight,she thought.I can be weak... just for tonight.
"You want me to sleep with you?" he asked and regretted it immediately because her mouth parted in shock."That..that came out wrong.I meant..,"he stuttered.
"I want you to hold me," she said quietly.
He looked at her with uncertainty. "Are you...are you sure?You won't hit me or anything?"
She smiled a little and shook her head.That was all he needed.
He climbed the bed,his eyes never leaving hers.She tucked her legs into the duvet and lowered herself onto the bed.He got in beside her,and she turned to her side,with her back to him.She moved backwards,he moved forward.
Until their bodies touched.He snuck his hand around her waist and pulled her closer.They laid in that position,his deep calm breaths relaxing her frantic ones.
"Are you scared?" he asked.
She could feel his hot breath behind her ear.It caused her to shudder a little.
"No," she replied."Yes."
"You know I'd never hurt you,right?"
"Never?"
Her shaky voice touched his heart.He never thought he'd ever see her so afraid..or sensitive.
He drew her closer and kissed her hair.
"Never."
He could feel her smile.
"Joshua?"
"Yes?"
"Sing for me."
He chuckled.A deep rumbling that spread warmth in the pit of her belly.
"What do you want me to sing,Bella?"
"What's your favorite song?"
He paused,then said,"Guillotine."
"Sing it...please."
He paused for a longer time,and Bella thought he was asleep.Then he began to sing.He started out slow and Bella could feel his voice envelope her entire being.It overwhelmed every other feeling that had been flowing through her.
She closed her eyes and drifter off to sleep,with the lyrics ringing her chest.
    The secrets you tell me
I'll take to my grave
There's bones in my closet
But you hang stuff anyway
And if you have nightmares
   We'll dance on the bed
I know that you love me
Even when I lose my head

Joshua wanted to sing more..but he noticed that her breathing had levelled.
She was calm.
She was asleep.
Joshua pulled the duvet over her neck and kissed her hair again.He was just starting to think of how Bella was slowly wrapping around his heart like a vine ,when he heard her mutter slowly in her sleep,
"I love you,Sebastian."

This chapter was inspired by Jonathan David Bellion's song,Guillotine.🎵