Hell and Back (The 100)

41 - Mount Weather

I stand tall in front of the door, just one the other side of the white curtain, jaw clenching in anxiety. The red curtain was torn to the side from frustration of not being able to save everyone, except it wasn't me that did it. Clarke was the one to latch her hands around the red material and yank it to the side, tearing it away from the door. 

On the surface, I look calm and ready to face whatever is on the other side of the door. No one aside from Clarke, Jasper, Harper, and Miller knew I was anything but in control of my emotions. I simply put on a brave face and kept my held high, showing no weaknesses. How I wish I was this brave. 

All I want is for Bellamy to be standing on the other side of the dropship door, to know he was smart enough to find a place to hide. He is smart. He wouldn't wait around in the fire zone when he knew what we were planning to do to the Grounders. 

Miller stands on my right side, hand securely wrapped around Anya's bicep, who has her hands tied in front of her with a red seat belt. Ever since he dragged me into the dropship and apologized for doing so, he hasn't said a word to me, knowing I just want Bellamy to be on the other side. The whole dropship knows I want to see Bellamy waiting for us out there once the door opens. 

I still didn't understand how everyone could just leave him out there. Bellamy is their leader. Without him, I don't know how we would have all survived through everything we've done. We are co-leaders. There were times where I just wanted to punch him in the face, but we always knew how to work together to keep our people safe. 

Bellamy has to be out there. He has to be. 

The door loudly creaks and groans. Clarke stands beside the door switch with a hopeful glimmer in her eyes. She wants Finn to be on the other side as much as I want Bellamy to be there. Both of our hearts have been broken. I just never knew it would feel like this. 

For so long, I have pushed all of the strong emotions I feel toward Bellamy away because admitting them seemed to be the wrong thing to do. All of us have been in the middle of a war with the Grounders. There hasn't been time for emotions for each other. So, I buried everything I have ever felt for Bellamy. 

I'm done burying how I feel for him. When I was being dragged away from him, I couldn't hide how I felt for him any longer. I need Bellamy to be on the other side of the door. 

A hand slips into mine. I barely have to turn my head to the side, already knowing Jasper is the one standing next to me. I weakly smile at him. My fingers clench around his slightly larger hand and I hold onto his, afraid to let go and face all of this on my own. 

The door hits the ground. I take a step forward with Jasper right by my side. The two of us are the first ones to step out from behind the white curtain. The breath gets knocked out of me, almost instantly. 

My legs shake beneath me as I stand on the door, gazing out to what's left of the camp. The ground is covered in black soot from everything that has burned down. Smoke is billowing up from different areas of the ground, left behind from the fire that once roared around the dropship. Skeletons and random bones from the Grounders lay scattered all over the camp, weapons laying close beside them. All of the trees that surround the dropship have been burned to the ground. 

Boots scuff against the top of the door as the rest of our people step out from behind the curtains, taking in the sight of what remains of our camp. A few startled gasps and whispers emit through the air. There's nothing left. The fire from the rockets destroyed everything it its path. 

Everything is gone.

Jasper's hand moves from holding mine to wrapping around my back, prepared to hold me up if my legs give out underneath me.