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"Hyung, you don't get it. I can't."
Jungkook fidgeted where he sat on Taehyung's bed across from the older, gulping as he kept his gaze far away from Taehyung's. He wanted to talk, Taehyung had said, words that Jungkook absolutely dreaded. He preferred to keep everything bottled up, stored away where no one else could find it.
"C'mon Kook, I know it's hard but we're not going to get anywhere if you just stay silent." Taehyung's voice was soft, devoid of any type of tone that Jungkook could take the wrong way. The younger had woken up at Jimin's dorm room just over an hour ago, Yoongi informing him that Taehyung wanted to talk to him. Jungkook knew what that entailed as soon as Yoongi spoke the words.
But God, did Jungkook wish he didn't have to leave Jimin's side. Jimin... He made everything feel alright. His comforting touch and calming voice was enough to help drown out everything else. "I just asked you to tell me why. If that's too hard for you maybe tell me when-"
"I was thirteen." Jungkook interrupted, eyes squeezed shut to avoid any possibility of meeting gazes with Taehyung. "I... I didn't start with a lighter. I started with a razor blade, but my dad found the bloody tissues and I was nearly found out." The words were almost painful to get out, tasting bitter in his mouth as he shared more about he life than he ever had to anyone else.
Taehyung's lips turned down into a frown, finding it hard to listen to the words coming from his friend's mouth. Jungkook was like Taehyung's younger brother, and listening to him speak like this hurt him more than he thought it would.
"But Jungkook, why?" The older wasn't sure if he really wanted to know the answer, but he needed to get the words out of Jungkook.
Jungkook finally opened his eyes, directing his gaze to his feet.
"Because when I was thirteen I hated myself." He whispered, voice softer than Taehyung had ever heard it. "I hated myself so much that I thought the world would be better without me, but I was also afraid to die." He looked over to the window. "Too afraid of the unknown, I guess."
It was silent for a few moments after that, Taehyung not speaking because it looked as if Jungkook had something else to say. If was about two minutes later, that the silence was broken. "I was never what everyone wished I was. Too fat? I'd starve myself, and then I was too skinny. Bad grades? I'd study my ass off, and then I was 'that nerdy teachers pet'. Too ugly, too quiet. Not good enough to be a professional artist, not smart or talented enough to be anything else." The tears were already building up in Jungkook's eyes, the resurfacing memories hitting him hard.
"But they never physically hurt me you know?" Jungkook sighed. "I took care of that myself. I just... God, I hated every inch of myself. Around the age of eighteen, I didn't want to do it really more, but I felt like I needed it. And I still do think like that, it's comforting to me."
"Jungkook there are plenty of other things you could've done to cope." Taehyung spoke softly, the younger shaking his head in response.
"Nothing worked." Jungkook countered, "I tried smoking when I was eighteen; therapy and journaling when I was nineteen. Nothing calms me as much as hurting myself does, Hyung."
Taehyung wasn't sure what to say to that, sighing quietly and moving closer to Jungkook.
"Could I... Could I see them?" Taehyung asked cautiously, watching as Jungkook's eyes widened in response. "Your scars. You don't have to show me... I just thought it would be best to know how much... damage you've done to yourself."
"Hyung I've never shown anyone before." Jungkook's voice was shaky, his heart beating rapidly as he looked into Taehyung's eyes. "It's not something that you want to see. Even I don't like looking at them and I'm the one who created them."
"I promise that I won't judge you Jungkook." Taehyung reassured. "I care about you too much to do that." He paused. "Adding to that, if you're not comfortable in not going to push you to do something that's too far for you. I've already put you through a lot today."
"No." Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before opening his eyes again. "I've already gone so much farther than I ever thought I would be able to. What do I have to lose? If you want to see, I'll show you, but this is the only time I'm doing this."
"As long as you're comfortable." Taehyung nodded, pushing a few strands of hair out of his eyes. Jungkook merely nodded, bringing his hand down to hold onto the hem of his shirt. The younger paused then, exhaling before he pulled the hem of his shirt up and over his head before letting the clothing drop to the floor.
Never in his life had he felt so exposed. So vulnerable.
He watched Taehyung carefully, the older's eyes scanning over all of the marks that were scattered along the waistline of his jeans, all the way up to his ribcage. He knew that some were old and some were new, also aware that even more of them lay below the belt.
It was when he felt Taehyung's fingers graze his skin, that he nearly jumped out of his own skin. Taehyung's touch was gentle, ghosting his fingers along the patterns of Jungkook's scars.
"Jungkook.." Taehyung whispered, eyes filled to the brim with sadness as he looked over all of the damage that the younger had done to himself. How had he not known? Taehyung couldn't help but ask himself that over, and over, and over. How had he not known that his own roommate was hurting himself like this under the same roof as him?
"I'm sorry." Jungkook's voice cracked as he spoke, closing his eyes as he wasn't able to look at Taehyung's pained expression anymore. "I'm so sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?" Taehyung asked softly, still tracing the younger's scars with his fingertips.
"Because I'm such a horrible person for doing this." Jungkook knew that as soon as he opened his eyes tears would escape and slip down his face. "The worst part is that I'm not the only person who has these horrible marks, Hyung. My soulmate has to deal with this as well, and they don't deserve it!" Jungkook finally opened his eyes, and as he suspected, a few tears rolled down his face.
"They'll forgive you." Taehyung shushed Jungkook's cries, pulling him into a hug and rubbing his back. "They'll forgive you." He repeated, feeling Jungkook shake his head.
"They won't." Jungkook answered, voice muffled in Taehyung's shoulder. "Would you?"
"I..." Taehyung hesitated, trying to think of a good answer. The hesitation, however, was enough to let Jungkook make assumptions as to what his answer was.
"Exactly."
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