haunted (S.M)

thirteen

As she slams her dorm door shut behind me, I feel everything around me crash and burn. Nothing feels right. I feel foreign in a place which should feel familiar. I'm a tourist in her life. Just muddling through the twists and turns which riddle the path and I'm trying-I'm really, really trying. She just makes it so difficult. 

I go to walk away, but a loud thump causes me to turn back to her door. I cautiously walk back towards it and knock on it, receiving no answer.

"Addie?" I mumble, not sure if she is ignoring me or can't hear me.

I try the handle and find she is yet to lock it, I push down on it and open the door. Everything seems the same as it was thirty seconds ago. Apart from the various books and other stuff which lays strewn across her dresser and floor. It's messy. It wasn't like that before. I peer over the corner of the dresser and feel what was once crashing and burning disintegrate in to meaningless ashes. 

Addie sits with her head in her hands, violent and painful-sounding sobs escaping her mouth. I notice her hand is a crimson colour and bend down to her height.

"Addie." I say, this time it not being a question.

She still doesn't reply, so I move closer and as I do, I notice how much she is shaking. I apprehensively reach my hand out and place it on hers, before bringing it to me and looking at the cut which stretches from the top of her wrist to halfway across the top of her hand. 

"You need to let me clean this up, okay?" I mumble and I notice her cries have subdued.

"Okay." She chokes out. 

She stands up with me and follows me in to the bathroom, taking a seat on the edge of her bathtub. I open her bathroom cabinet to be met with a first aid kit, I take it out and open it to find a bandage and some wipes. I move to Addie and notice tear stains littering her pale face, which appears flushed and tired. Her hands shake as they rest on her lap, blood soaking in to her joggers.

"Here." I motion for her to give me her hand, which she does.

I gently wipe the blood away and she doesn't even flinch as I do so, her eyes glazed over and appearing to concentrate on the beige tiling behind me. I make sure to not wrap the bandage too tight around her hand. 

"I lied." She whispers, as I put the kit back.

I turn to look at her, "about what?"

"When you asked me if I'd ever been in love-I lied." She still continues to stare at the wall, her eyes lacking life.

"With Jake?" I question.

She nods.

"You loved him." I state.

"I want to love you but I don't think I'm done with loving him." She says in hushed tones.

"That's okay-it's okay not love me yet, hell-you don't ever have to love me, but you want me, I know you do and I want you so it is okay to let that happen." I shrink to her level, placing my hands on her lap and causing her to look at me.

"Can we go lie down?" She asks with her eyes.

I nod, and she laces her non-bandaged hand with mine and leads the way to her bed. She gets in first and I get in after, turning so that I am looking at her.

"You would've liked Jake." She absentmindedly says.

"I'm sure I would have." I smile, pushing some stray strands of her hair out of her face.

"So, Dylan told you he died?" She questions and I give her a shocked look.

"How did you know-" I ask back, but she answers before I have time to finish.

"He's the only one who knows around here." 

"Yeah, he said he saw you at the funeral." I mumble.

"Jake had a brain tumour." She out-of-the-blue states.

I, caught by surprise, reply: "oh-I-"

"Don't say you're sorry, I hate when people say that."

"How did you meet?" I ask, after a few seconds of silence. 

She laughs, her eyes lighting up, "my mum is a nurse, I was visiting her at work and I was passing his room when he shouted after me, asking if I was new, I told him I didn't work there and he said good, because it would be inappropriate for him to flirt with the staff." 

"He does sound like someone I'd get on with." I chuckle.

Her eyes suddenly sadden and she looks at me with a serious expression, "someone you would have gotten on with."

I realise and frown, "Addie-I didn't mean-"

"No-I know, I do it too-I go to text him and when the message doesn't go through I realise that he isn't here, he isn't anywhere-it's worse when you forget, because then it hits you randomly when you're watching a film and remember you used to watch it with them, or when you're watching the door and waiting for them to walk through it, it terrifies me to think that I'll forget him one day." She sniffs, tears escaping her eyes.

"You're okay, I've got you." I bring her in to me, her tears soaking through my t-shirt and my arms wrapping around her cold body.

"He isn't here anymore." She cries in to my chest.

"Just let it out, I'm here." I gently rub her back, soothingly.

"He's dead." She sobs.

I feel a tear leave my eye. It hurts to hear her cry. It's even worse when you see someone crying who is usually so strong and mean-because you realise they have a heart. She feels something. It just so happens that she feels sad and is grieving and I just wish I could make her feel better. 

"Simon?" She quietly says.

"Yeah?" I reply.

"I didn't mean what I said before." She whispers.

"That doesn't matter, you can't push me away that easily anyways." I smile.

"I'm trying to not-I promise." She meekly replies.

I feel as she slowly falls asleep in my arms, her head falling further in to my chest and her arms becoming looser around my waist but still staying in place. I kiss her forehead, before laying my head comfortably on to the pillow and falling asleep with her.

A/N sorry for a short chapter, I've been so busy with my two week exam period coming up and I've had three science exams this week (which I have definitely failed because science is difficult and I barely understand what the hell atoms and molecules are and what a pH scale is) 

I've made three versions of this chapter but decided I liked this one the best 

I'm gonna start making cute stuff, don't you guys worry, just please bare with me whilst I try to revise and do coursework and just try to not be swallowed up by the sinkhole that is the British education system

Tell me what you thought in the comments because I love to talk to you guys-I hope this chapter didn't make you sad because your sadness would make me sad:(

(also, guess what this chapter isn't? If you guessed proofread, then you would be spot on)

L x