Obsession

Chapter 32

My days had gone by quickly since Monday's events and in the blink of an eye i was already back to weekend after a difficult week of focusing in class, dealing with my dreams/memories and hoping Luke wouldn't send the message to confirm our meeting, a stupid decision i made in the spur of the moment.

I huffed and laughed.
My mind had been elsewhere i thought as i pulled myself back to this moment.
"You're being really unnecessary Joe. You've been hounding me about this all day, it really doesn't matter."
He gasped, an overreaction in my opinion.
"How can you say that. Having never been to the carnival or the beach here in San Diego."
"Ha! You're wrong we went to the beach last week it was technically still in San Diego." This time he rolled his eyes and whined like a two year old really loudly. I laughed. "Oh my gosh! You're unbearable. I will go if you stop." I exclaimed. He smiled. "I always get what i want." He said cockily. I waved my finger at him. "Don't make me change my mind." He held his hands up in surrender just as the second bell rang to signal we were late for our last class of the day. "I'll meet you back here after school he said as he kissed my cheek and ran off. I shivered. I shook it off and gathered my things from my backpack on the floor.
I slipped into my class while our teacher was writing something on the board. I started scribbling my notes as she spoke and wrote at a crazy speed.
When my fingers complained and my hand gave up i turned to Rebecca who had Jennifer in front of her. "What is up with her she knows our last papers ever are next week and she's trying to cram this shit into our brains." Rebecca laughed. "Believe me I've been asking myself the same question." Jennifer's ears perked up, she was listening but was still taking notes.
"We're probably going to fail anyway." I laughed. Rebecca shook her head. "Hey now speak for yourself I've been here all year I'm ready for this shit." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. She held her hands up the same way Joe had. "Don't blame me. Maybe if you'd actually written anything in those books-" i cut her off. "Hey, my school was basically two weeks from  revision so at least i have more than Jen has ever had. We laughed as Jennifer turned around and flipped me off. Just as the teacher screeched for silence causing even the sun to cower in fear I thought just as the bell rang and the clouds covered the sun. We kept talking as we made our way to Rebecca's car, completely skipping the lockers. No one had used the lockers since the scene with Crystal some people got sick just looking in that direction. Most people had healed in the past month though nothing had been done to vote in a new class president and Cheer leading Captain. I sometimes thought of the short time I'd spent with her and how everything had gone from zero to one hundred in a matter of weeks. It felt good but unbelievably wrong to just move on. A younger guy had taken over Owens 'career choice' nothing as bad as Owen had sold though.

I jumped a little as someone wrapped their arms around my waist. My dreams had become so much more vivid. It was harder to let Joe touch me these days. Even a small gesture like hand holding sent chills down my spine and almost set me into a series of convulsions.
The dreams had gotten so vivid and terrifying that i couldnt wake up without throwing up or bursting into tears. The memories got more and more intense that yesterday i even cashed in to my brothers promise for someone to talk to. He was so mature, probably why he was able to keep the secret from me though he doesnt actually know any details of what happened seeing as he was only 12. I removed his hands and turned to face him. Je leaned in to kiss me but i gave him my cheek. "Babe, Beks and Jen are right here." I said as i squirmed away from him. He smiled and pulled me into a hug. It was more comfortable for me than a kiss. "They don't mind." I looked at them. "Oh yeah. Of coirse not you crazy kids go wild Rebecca said as her and Jennifer walked to her car, i could here them giggling to themselves. He grasped my my hand and walked to his car which was close by. "Finally, we're alone." I smiled as he kissed me. It felt good just like when we first kissed before everything with me happened. It felt so could that i let my emotions take control.

He grabbed my neck and gave me another slap to keep me from writhing in his grasp. The dry tears were covered by fresh wet ones. He shoved his sloppy, slobbering mouth on mine. I bit his lip. His rage was immeasurable, he smiled a cruel sinister smile and licked his lips...

I quickly broke our kiss and jumped off his car i turned next to the outside of the  passenger seat and threw up. I was out of breath. I felt like i was still choking. I didnt want Joe to see me cry. I took out a tissue and wiped my eyes then got up and wiped my mouth.
He gave me a worried glance.
I'm just not feeling well. Shrug it off. Make him think its no big deal.
Lie. Just do it. Lie. Come on you know how this works.

But why?

My internal battle was completely biased towards one choice but my body just wouldn't execute the plan. It wouldn't conform.
I had only known him for a month and two weeks and we'd been dating for a month of that and besides the back and forth daily texting and 1 date and a pending one this afternoon.
It dawned on me maybe this is my problem.
Too much too fast.
I was in a rush to remember and look how that turned out. I trusted my new friends too soon and now two of them are dead.
I made a move on Calvin and he hated me till we came to a truce but it could've ended badly.
I rushed my summer vacation planning then found out i was moving.
I rushed into a new relationship and...

I keep trying to make sure nothing changes and that everything works out but i constantly fuck up.
I sniffed. He moved closer but i held my hand out for him to stop. I cleared my throat.
Welcome back voice.  I thought in frustration. I looked at him determined to say something. I swallowed the acrid taste in my mouth.
"We need to break up."