Awaken Demons: Stheno

Chapter XXX

CHAPTER XXX: Am I?

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His green orbs were glued to my face, studying, contemplating me. Since the last words left my lips he didn't say anything, he just swallowed and licked his parted and dry lips. I needed an answer, it was what he wanted. Right? To give us a chance. I had a lot of time to think and maybe, just maybe, we were really made for the other.

Even if I had goals to reach in my life, he could help me with my mental breakdowns created by my demons. Our principal problem was the communication, and I had to be sure that he would accept my last decision: if I died after completing my mission, he would have to respect it. It meant he had to give me his word not to fall into revenge, I didn't want that life for him. But I wasn't going to die before, I had made a promise to myself, to my family. 

I wasn't allowed to.

"Then? Can you just say something?" My calmed voice, even if it masked my inner anxiety, took him by surprise. His eyes were penetrating me, making me nervous. All types of thoughts crossed my head and one of them was making my heart beat faster and faster: was he going to reject me because of how I treated him? 

In that moment all my breath left my lungs and my heart literary stopped. "I-I'm just... how... and why? I-" His head shook lightly, while his eyes blinked, as if he needed to see the situation from a different light. 

He paced around the room, not looking at me even once, he was too concentrated on trying to express himself, and maybe, swallow the situation he was in too. I couldn't blame him, it was too unexpected, one day I was about to reject him, and the other I was willing to give him, us, a chance. Sometimes I wondered if I was really crazy...

He stopped, his hands resting on my waist, I was so deep inside my thoughts I didn't feel his presence, even if he was my mate. "I mean, I'm happy but, why did you decide to give us a chance?" His eyes softened when they meet mines, he was trying to understand the situation and I thought for a moment before giving him the best explanation, or at least, the one I thought was the clearest.

"I don't have a fucking clue, really. I think our principal problem was the communication, and we seemed like a dog who chases its own tail. Maybe one or two days we could be fine but it would have an end, and we found it the night of the party." I stopped, taking a short breath.

"You know how women are, sometimes we just are so hard, and we don't think things straight, we just want to blame a different person because we don't even try to look at our problems from a different light. Yet, I thought about it, and maybe I found a solution, but you'll have to help me. All of this is new for me, and you know how bad I am with this kind of situations."

Once my explanation ended, I saw how his mouth curved upwards. His smile was sincere, and it reached his eyes, at least he was happy for my words, and, in the end, I was too, since we were finally able to tell the other how things really were.

It wasn't a new situation just for me, but also for him, and I kept blaming him as if it was his mistake, because he should have understood the problem since day one, instead, he didn't. A huge mistake, it was our first time, and it was pretty hard.

Suddenly, the actual situation reminded me the day I kicked him out of my room, after our night together, and gosh, poor guy, he didn't deserve that. As I was trying to make him understand the situation I decided to explain why I behaved the way I did.

"You see Kyan, I don't know if Victor told you something, but I have problems with my demons. It means that since they're inside of me, sometimes they can control my thoughts or actions, and in the morning after the party, they managed to persuade me to reject you thanks to one of my nightmares. That's why you didn't understand and why I kicked you out."