love is easy

chapter 37 - rocky relationship

harry pov - i was downstairs making myself a cup of tea when my phone started to ring. I didn't even get to say hello when danny started shouting down the phone. 'Check twitter!' He demanded. I went over to my iPad which was sitting on the kitchen table and opened up twitter, it was flooded with people tweeting me the same magazine article. I clicked on one of the images and began read through the article. 'What the fuck!' I swore down the phone to danny. 'Who do you think done it?' Danny asked. 'Dougie wouldn't. Would he?' I questioned. 'Harry fuck off. Dougie would never and you know that.' He reassured me. 'Can you take the twins out for a bit so me and dougie can talk about this please.' I begged danny. 'Yeah i'll be there in half hour.' He told me and hung up the phone. I read the article over and over wondering how the press got all the information, some of it was complete fiction, but most was spot on. But our relationship wasn't on the rocks was it? No. No it wasn't. I'm so happy with doug. We're married, we have children for god sake. I love him, he loves me. I heard two sets of footsteps running down the stairs and into the living room, i heard the tv switch on and i walked in to see them. 'You can watch tv later on, we need to get ready quickly because uncle danny is going to take you out.' I told them. They leaped in the air, excited to go out with danny. I made them some toast each then went upstairs to get them dressed and teeth brushed.

dougie pov - i woke up and heard harry, isaac and luna talking to each other, telling me they were all awake. I followed the sound of their voices into the twins bedroom, where they were dressed and putting their shoes on. 'Where are you going?' I asked tiredly. 'Uncle danny is taking us out.' Isaac told me. 'Oh, that's nice of him.' I said and gave harry a confused look. Danny knocked on the door and told us he would be back in an hour or two as we said bye to the twins. 'We need to talk.' Harry said once the door was fully closed. I couldn't think what we had to talk about, i felt physically sick at the four words that came out of harry's mouth. He said them so sternly i racked my brain with things i could have done wrong. Thoughts raced around my head, causing my heart rate to go up, making my lungs struggle to fill with oxygen and my throat close up. I leant against the wall and slid down it, hugging my knees tight to my chest. Tears stung my eyes, desperate to fall and roll down my face. 'Hey, hey. Look at me.' Harry commanded. I tried my hardest to open my mouth and apologies for what ever i could have done, but all that came out were choked up breaths. 'No, don't talk baby, it won't help. Breathe in time with me. Can you do that?' He asked. I nodded and tried my hardest to match my breathing with harry's but i couldn't, my body wouldn't allow it. Harry sat down next to me and pulled me into his chest, rubbing circles on my back to help me calm down. 'Slowly doug, breathe as slow as you can for me.' He said and i nodded into his chest. I hadn't had a panic attack like this in months, i thought i was getting better. 'You're doing great.' He assured me, his words calming me down. He whispered, 'I'm not going anywhere baby.' Into my hair making me relax a bit, he wasn't leaving. He was going to be here, next to me, every time i needed him. 'I'm sorry.' I said, finally able to speak. 'For what?' He asked confused 'This panic attack.' I said shyly. 'Don't be stupid. Never apologies for having a panic attack, okay.' He said. I nodded in response.

harry pov - i hated seeing dougie like that, he hadn't had a panic attack that bad in ages, he was doing so well. 'Can we talk now?' I asked him. His breathing picked up its pace and tears streamed down his cheeks again. 'Woah. Calm down. It's okay. I love you.' I told him. He swallowed and took a deep breath. I wiped his tears and kissed his forehead. 'Have you checked twitter?' I asked him. He gave me a confused look and shook his head as he pulled out his phone and opened the app. He clicked on one of the images he was sent and started crying again. 'Baby stop crying, you don't need to get yourself like this, but can i asked you something?' I said. He nodded at me, instead of choking on his words. 'Did you tell the press?' I asked, scared of how he was going to react. His tears fell faster and he rapidly shook his head before running up the stairs and locking himself in our bathroom. 'I didn't harry. I promise, i didn't!' He said, sobbing through the door. 'Okay, that's fine, please come out.' I begged. He wouldn't so i just sat outside the bathroom waiting for the door to unlock, hearing dougie's heartbreaking sobs. I rang danny and told him to keep the twins a bit longer, i had no idea how long this was going to take.

dougie pov - I grabbed the blade that i kept hidden in the bathroom and played with it between my fingers, contemplating whether to slice my thigh, letting the hypnotising red liquid run down my leg. I didn't understand, one minute i could be completely fine and then the media says one thing that wouldn't normally effect me this much and i relapse? It was like anything could change my mood. One cut would be okay though wouldn't it? It would get rid of the pain I'm feeling internally. Then i remembered how my heart broke when luna saw my scars, i couldn't make more. I know i did it when harry went, but that was different, that was a valid reason to feel that much pain. This wasn't. I hid the blade again and unlocked the bathroom door. Harry scrambled to his feet and held me tight to his chest, letting me cuddle into him. Harry phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket to answer it, still holding me close. He hung up his phone and held me tighter. 'What was that about?' I asked. 'It was tom. We have a radio interview tomorrow.' He told me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was already dreading the questions, i knew that they were going to try and get every last detail out of us, only to twist it all anyway. 'What are we going to do?' I asked harry. 'Deny it all?' He suggested. I nodded, thinking that was the best option. Harry text danny, telling him that he could bring the twins home whenever he was ready and they knocked on the door 15 minutes later. Harry answered it, i didn't want to move, i couldn't move, i was emotionally and mentally drained. I heard harry whispering and before i knew it the twins came running in and launched themselves at me. I received tonnes of sloppy kisses and tight squeezes from both of them. My emptiness just faded away and was replaced with love and joy. I didn't understand how my mood could change so quickly one minute I'm totally content, the next I'm completely empty, then I'm filled with love. It didn't make sense. 'Don't worry about it doug. This will all be cleared up by tomorrow.' Danny promised me. I tried my best to give him a genuine, convincing smile. We spoke for a while before danny left and went back to his house.

harry pov - i locked the front door and walked into the living room. 'Shall we watch a film?' I asked the twins. They nodded and ran over to the shelves with all of our films on. They both agreed they wanted to watch monsters university for the 428736th time. 'Really? Again?' I said, laughing at them. 'Yes papa, come on!' Luna said and climbed onto the sofa next to dougie, who was tucked up in the corner. 'No luna, i want to sit next to daddy!' Isaac whined. 'Hey, both of you can sit with me, come on.' Dougie said. I pushed the foot rest against the sofa so dougie could lie with luna and issac either side of him. I put on the film and grabbed some snacks and drinks whilst the film trailers were playing. I quickly ran upstairs to grab blankets and duvets and dragged them down the stairs. I got myself comfy next to luna and covered all of us in the blankets and duvets just as the film started. I reached my arm over to dougie and gently stroked his neck, playing with the hair behind is ear occasionally. 'Papa can i have a drink please?' Luna asked me. 'And me please.' Isaac said afterwards. I grabbed them a fruit shoot each and i was thanked by their innocent voices. The film ended and the twins ran upstairs to play together and just like that, dougie's mood dropped. He curled up on the sofa, pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands and started chewing them. 'Harry.' Dougie said in almost a whisper. 'Yes doug.' I said and curled behind him on the sofa, being his big spoon like always. 'I don't think I'm well, like mentally.' He said nervously. 'We always knew that baby. That's why you've been on that medication for years.' I said. 'Yeah, i know but this is different like one minute i'm happy next minute i'm sad and i have no control over it. They smallest thing can trigger the emptiness i feel.' He confessed. 'Well we can call a doctor if you want?' I told him. 'Yeah. I don't feel like myself, i haven't done in ages. But when the twins are around it helps me. I don't know. It sounds stupid.' He said, trying to dismiss the subject. 'No it doesn't sound stupid. Do you want to call a doctor now?' I asked him. He nodded and pulled out his phone, dialling the number to the clinic, asking to see his old doctor again. 'I have an appointment on tuesday. Can you come with me?' He said. 'I will if i'm allowed.' I told him and kissed his lips softly. They way he was describing it, it sounded like he had manic depression, but of course i'm not a doctor it just sounds like he has all of the symptoms. All i wanted was for him to be okay. Cuddling him on the sofa made me realise that our relationship wasn't on the rocks.. then i started to think about the interview tomorrow and how dougie would react. Truth be told, i was kind of dreading it.