love is easy

chapter 29 - back to his old ways

dougie pov - I woke up and rang harry so many times, left him countless voicemails and so many messages. He didn't want to contact me at all and that broke my heart. I rang danny, sobbing down the phone. 'Danny you know where he is don't you.' I said. 'Yeah, but he told me not to tell you.' he said sheepishly. 'He has my fucking children danny.' I shouted. 'Give him some time. He's angry okay.' Dan said to me. 'I just want him to come home danny i'm so lost without him.' i said. 'I'm so sorry doug, he'll come back.' He tried to reassure me. 'But what if he doesn't danny. This is all my fault.' I said and hung up the phone, unable to form a sentence anymore. 

harry pov - my mum and dad had taken the twins out to the park a few minutes down the road from their house so i just sat in my bed and sobbed. I felt so alone without dougie, i wanted him back so bad, but i wasn't ready to talk to him, not yet anyway. I heard the door slam. 'Harry?' it was thomas. I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs and he knocked on my bedroom door. 'What's happened haz.' He asked and sat next to me pulling my head onto his knee. I explained everything to him. 'But why are you angry at doug?' he asked me. 'Because he didn't do anything to stop that twat from flirting with him.' I argued. 'Harry, you know dougie better than i do. You know about his anxiety, do you really think he wanted that guy to flirt with him?' he said, making me think. 'Thomas i know, but if he really loved me he wouldn't have let it happen.'  i said. 'I'm just saying.' He said and walked out of my room, making my heart shatter. It made me think that dougie probably did feel like that, but i have built up so much anger towards him right now, i couldn't talk to him. 

dougie pov - i was sitting in the living room, the pace of my breathing quickened and all of my thoughts raced around my brain. My throat felt like it was getting smaller and my lungs struggled to fill with oxygen. I put my head in my hands and tried to control my panic attack. I needed harry, he was my comfort. I hadn't dealt with a panic attack by myself in so many years, i've always had harry. Often the twins would cuddle into me afterwards making me feel so loved, but i didn't have that. Harry was gone. He took the twins with him. I knew where he could be, but he didn't want me and i didn't want to bother him. I just wanted him to be happy. The pain i felt was unbearable. I went to the bathroom cabinet to get out a blade. I know that this wasn't the way to deal with it, but it was the only way to get rid of the pain. I just got my tattoo so didn't want to cut over it, i pulled down my jeans and made cuts on my hips, letting the pain escape through my veins. I kept cutting getting deeper each time, knowing it wasn't right, but it was the only relief i was getting. I was such an idiot i can't believe i let harry walk away, but i couldn't blame him, i would have been mad too i guess. 

harry pov - luna came creeping into my room. 'Papa can daddy come and visit?' she asked me. 'I pulled her and hugged her tightly. 'He has a lot of work to do though princess, but maybe.' i told her. 'But- but i miss his bedtime snuggles.' she told me and started crying. 'I know sparkie, i miss them too.' i said. It felt like someone was ripping my heart out either that or it shattered into 1 million pieces. 'We'll see him soon lu, i promise.' It was around 7pm and i put the twins to bed, wanting them to get a good night sleep. 'Papa i want daddy to snuggle me until i fall asleep.' isaac said. Tears formed in my eyes 'sorry matey.' I said and ran out of the room and collapsed outside the bedroom door and broke down. I pulled out my phone and listened to the voicemails dougie left me, breaking down at the sound of his frail voice. I went to dial his number, but the feeling of anger that rushed over me the other day came flooding back, i threw my phone across the hallway and ran outside, slamming the door behind me. I wish i could forgive him, but i just couldn't right now. I felt bad that the twins weren't seeing him and he couldn't see the twins, but he made me so stupidly angry and if i ever saw that guy again i would punch him, he was trying to get into my dougie, my husband. I just couldn't get my head around it. I walked back into my mum and dads house and i was met by katherine who was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. 'Where have you been?' she asked. 'I had to get out.' I answered and tried to walk past her when she grabbed my arm. 'Your children were crying up there, calling after you and dougie, but you weren't there.' She said. I rolled my eyes and ran upstairs to them. I lay in the middle of both of them letting the cuddle into my chest. Dougie was the only thing going through my mind. What was he doing? Was he okay? Why has this happened?