Kaleidoscope

Chapter Fourteen

"Danny's coming home," Rose announced at breakfast the next morning.

"Now?" Theresa asked. "Aren't finals just around the corner?"

"He said he's dropping out of school. I guess he just couldn't handle it," Rose answered.

"But what about his scholarship?"

"I don't know much more than I've told you, Theresa. He just called and said he quit. He should be home later this evening. Jen's going to pick him up at the train station. I knew he should have stayed closer to home."

"Speaking of staying close to home, have you given any thought to going back to work like I asked?" Theresa interjected, abruptly segueing the conversation.

"Not yet, honey. There's just too much going on, and with Danny coming home, I need to stick around and see what's going on with him. Just give me some more time. I can't make all these decisions at once."

"Fine, Mom. Just remember that I'm doing much better now and it's time for you to move on with your life, too."

After Theresa left the kitchen, Rose reflected on her parting words. Move on with my life. What did that mean exactly?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jen barely recognized her brother when he stepped off the train. He was a shadow of his former self. In a few short weeks, he had tumbled hard and she saw all the signs of drug addiction. As part of her clinical practice, she had seen many young people come in exhibiting the same signs.

She waved Danny over and gave him a big hug.

"I'm so glad to see you," she said, taking his gaunt face in her hands.

"Me too," said her baby brother. He fell in beside her relishing the silence she afforded him.

The car ride home was unusually quiet. Jen didn't want to pry; Danny would talk when he was ready.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, on the verge of confiding in his sister. But shame reared its ugly head and he kept his mouth shut. He just wanted a pill to lift his spirits. He saw Jen looking at him out of the corner of her eye and he cringed. She knew. He was sure of it. But voicing it would make it real — he was an addict — and he couldn't face up to his failure in her eyes. He finally spoke.

"Mom wasn't so happy to hear I was coming home, was she? I think she's really disappointed in me."

"She'll be fine, Danny. She's just got a lot going on at home, too. Theresa wants her to go back to work. She's working on some independence. But, I think mom's scared that she won't be needed anymore. You're probably just what she needs right now even if she won't admit it."

"Oh, so I'll be her next project."

"In a manner of speaking — yes."

"Great. First I was invisible and now I'll be the center of attention."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Look who I found wandering around the train station," Jen announced as she and Danny walked in the back door.

Rose turned and saw a son she hardly recognized. His clothes seemed to hang off his frame and deep circles underscored his lusterless eyes. For the first time in a very long time, her heart ached for him. She still had no idea what was going on in his life or what had prompted his return. She knew only that her son was standing in front of her so very obviously hurting.

"Hey, little brother, what a surprise to see you here. What's up?" asked Theresa.

"It's a long story," he said and headed up to his room. He flopped down on his bed, anger and disappointment with himself drowning out any relief he might have felt at being away from the pressures of school. He wasn't ready to share his story. He looked around at all his soccer trophies — dreams now dashed. He was so tired, and for the first time in weeks he fell asleep without a pill.

He awoke hours later and went down to get something to eat. The kitchen was awash with the glow of the under-cabinet lights creating a painting of shadows as he entered. Theresa and his mom were huddled deep in conversation and he was certain it was about him. Funny, after all these years of being in the shadows he was suddenly in the limelight. It took a major failure on his part to get some attention.

"Are you ready to tell us what happened?" his mom asked as she put a plate of food in front of him. "I thought you couldn't wait to leave last August. You said you needed to get away from here," she said, turning her back on him as she began cleaning up.

Danny didn't want to talk about it, especially in front of Theresa. The room was pregnant with unspoken words.

"I did need to get away and I'm glad I did. Things around here stunk."

"Then why are you back if they're so bad?" his mom asked.

"Because I almost flunked out, all right? Now you know. I'm a failure just like you've always thought. I guess I can't do much of anything right."

Sitting in that kitchen, where he had always been ignored, brought up all the old feelings. Theresa would always get the accolades for her accomplishments, and he could be sitting right next to her and get nothing. He seethed all over again. He just wished everyone would leave him alone. He left the table and went back up to his room and closed the door.