Kaleidoscope

Chapter Thirteen

Danny got a part time job at Subway to make the extra money to feed his growing habit. He took uppers to stay awake and downers to catch some sleep. It was a vicious spiral. He had convinced himself that pills weren't so bad; at least he wasn't into anything stronger. But he knew he was in trouble. His GPA was scraping bottom and his body and brain were fried. His performance on the soccer field was noticeably off. The coach was no fool and Danny knew he was suspicious. He got off with a few warnings but he knew his time was limited. He was on the verge of being put on probation or thrown off the team for his reckless behavior. He was drowning and had no lifeline.

He took to holing himself up in his dorm room since Chuck was rarely to be seen anymore. The silence of the room shouted at him. He thought of Kim and missed opportunities. He needed to understand how he had gotten to this point. He tried, he cried and in a rare moment of sobriety he knew what he had to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hall leading to the gym was eerily empty, the lights casting creeping shadows on the walls and floor. Danny went straight to the coach's office. A small desk lamp was on, the coach hunched over his work. The dark sky signaled the end of the day, late enough for Danny to have made his decision. He slowed his steps as he approached the door, his fist hovering lightly above it. Coach looked up.

"Come on in, Danny. What can I do for you?"

"I'm in trouble, Coach."

"I suspected so. How can I help?"

Danny opened his mouth and his life came tumbling out. His hopes, his fears, his hatred, his confusion — all the pent-up emotions he had been stuffing down inside bubbled over. He told the coach about Theresa, the beloved child, his parents' separation, his dad's affair and his shock over meeting his sister's double. When he was done, he drew a deep breath. He had never bared his soul like that before. He was almost afraid to look at the coach.

"Son," Coach Wilson began, "I saw a lot of talent in you when you arrived and was looking forward to seeing great things from you." He drew a deep breath. "I watched you deteriorate — not the first time I've experienced that in young freshmen, and it really saddened me. I wish you had come to me sooner."

Danny stood still, acutely aware of the clock ticking on the wall in front of him. This was so hard.

"I'm really behind, Coach, and I'm sure they're going to put me on probation. I know I'll lose my scholarship and I can't afford to be here if I don't get some financial help. I think I need to drop out and go home."

The coach put aside his paperwork and leaned forward.

"Have you thought about seeing a counselor?"

"No, sir — it's embarrassing to see a shrink."

"We have some great ones here on campus. And they've heard it all. I think they could have helped you." For once Danny started to listen.

"I'm glad you came to me, Danny, but I'm sorry it's under these circumstances. I'll see what I can do about your withdrawal without it affecting your readmission at some point. I'd love to see you back on my team sometime. You've got a lot of talent. I don't know about your scholarship, though. Does your family know that you're thinking of going back home?"

"No, and I'm not sure how I'm going to tell them. This was the one thing I thought I could do right."

"The best way is to lay it all out like you did for me, Danny. Trust me, they'll understand. Now, let's see if we can get you squared away. But get some help when you get home. Don't waste the rest of your life."

Danny left the coach's office emptied of emotion. Verbalizing his situation had hurt, made it too real. Walking back across the campus he took notice of all the things he would miss — the cracked sidewalk in front of his dorm he had never seen before, the ivy growing up the side of the Humanities building he had taken for granted, the slow elevator that always frustrated him. He had been so hyper-focused on himself, he lost sight of where he was and why he was here.

The next morning, he went to the Administration Office and learned he could withdraw for personal reasons but he would have to apply for re-admission when he was ready to come back. It hurt like hell to think that he had squandered an opportunity to become something — someone maybe his family could be proud of — or at least notice. He braced himself for his call home, but first he would call Jen to pick him up at the train station — she wouldn't ask any questions. Once that was arranged, he dialed his next number, prepared for a not so understanding reception.

His conversation with his mom didn't go well. She couldn't understand failure of any kind, and after his having to convince her that he should go away to school, she was less than sympathetic to his plight.

"I thought this is what you NEEDED to do," she said sarcastically when he got her on the phone.

"I'll explain more when I get home, Mom. I just need time to figure some things out."

"Well, dropping out of school is a hell of a way to figure things out."

"Mom, let's just drop this. I'm shipping my trunk tomorrow and taking the train home on Tuesday. I'll see you then." He hung up and flung his phone across the room.

Two days later he watched the scenery of his new home roll by the windows and fade into the past. He reached into his pocket and fingered one of the last of his uppers. The coach was very convincing about counseling, if only he could screw up the courage. The choice was his. The one thing he hadn't told his mom was of his addiction. He could hear her reaction running through his head now.