Kaleidoscope

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Rose hid her face from view in the parking lot of Dr. Connelly's office as she watched the patients enter and leave the confines of confidentiality for their appointments. She didn't know how long she stalled waiting for Tom to show up. She preferred he be there before her so she wouldn't appear too anxious for their session with the doctor. For a moment, she considered turning around and going home, but she had made a commitment and was, if nothing else, true to her promises. Theresa was encouraging her at least, to try with her dad, and she didn't want to let her down.

The sky was already turning shades of the evening's orange and purple as she left her car and steeled herself for another round of introspection. She checked in and was ushered into the doctor's office. It had been a long week where she realized she still harbored deep resentments and was seething beneath the surface.

Tom was already there and pulled up a chair for her as they sat facing the Doctor, unable to look each other in the eyes. The chilled air between them fought with the sweat running down Tom's brow putting him on temperature overload. He wished he were anywhere but where he was.

"Let's pick up where we left off last week," Dr. Connelly began. "How did you both feel after you left here?"

"Pretty shitty," Rose began.

Tom, unused to hearing such language from Rose's mouth, realized how much anger she had.

"What made you feel that way, Rose," asked Dr. Connelly?

"Tom and I clearly have not been on the same page for a very long time. I still can't believe his assumption that our marriage was okay until the accident."

"How would you answer that, Tom?"

"I guess I didn't realize how far we had drifted until we started talking. All I know is that after the accident I felt completely left out of Rose's life. She no longer realized I existed. That's when I started to drift."

"You were drifting long before that," Rose answered.

"I don't know how you can say that. I was always there for you and the kids."

"Maybe in your mind you were. But, physically you were never around."

"You were so absorbed in Theresa's college quest that you hardly ever paid attention to me."

"So, who's the adult here. She needed me."

"I'm not so sure she needed you or you needed to be needed."

That caused Rose to pause a moment as the words filtered deep within. Had she really been so absorbed? Had she ignored Tom? But he was always at work or on his business trips. Rose began to falter in her feelings. What if she were at fault too? She wasn't ready to accept any of the blame yet, still convinced of her importance in her daughter's life.

Dr. Connelly let the silence, thundering its presence, settle in the room, before he spoke again.

"Here's what I want you to do for me and for yourselves. I want you to go home and think of only the good things about each other—the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Think about whether you feel the same way now. Sometimes our true feelings get lost in the busyness of life. Just remember that negative thoughts are not allowed. This is about ridding yourselves of the anger between you and focusing on why you stayed together for so long. Try this and we'll talk about it next time."

After some time discussing how to get the most out of this exercise, Dr. Connelly brought the session to a close. Tom and Rose made eye contact for the first time since they had entered the room. Their connection was fleeting, but their anger with each other had dissipated, at least for the moment, and they very civilly left the room, promising to do their "homework." Tom held the door for Rose as they walked out and she paused ever so slightly.

When they reached the parking lot, it all seemed suddenly so natural, being together, doing something with each other. Tom struggled with asking Rose if she wanted to go for a drink somewhere, but his nerve faded rapidly when she headed straight for her car. Slow down, he said to himself. She was pretty ticked off after all. In good time, maybe. With that rational thought, he said good-bye and got in his car to go back to his apartment. He had some thinking to do.