Kaleidoscope

Chapter Nineteen

Danny approached the aged apartment building and found a Visitor spot to park in. He climbed the dark, narrow staircase and stood outside apartment 4B. Muffled voices seeped out of closed doors to his right and left. His hand hovered over the door before he knocked. His dad answered and asked his son to come in.

Danny was not used to seeing his dad any place but home, and the sparsely furnished apartment sucked the breath out of him. He looked around and saw a family picture, a nod to his dad's former life.

"I've got some dinner going," Tom said as Danny took a seat on the rented couch. "Maybe we'll eat first, and then talk if that's okay with you."

Danny knew food was the great leveler and was happy that his dad had suggested it. It would give them both time to settle before he laid out the reasons for his visit. He glanced at the table set with mismatched silverware, realizing how long it had been since he'd sat at the dinner table with his dad.

Tom sat down opposite his son and began to serve.

"The pasta's great, Dad," Danny said. "When did you learn to cook?"

"Necessity, son. Now what's this all about?"

There was that term of endearment again. Danny wasn't sure where to begin so he just let the words fly out of his mouth.

"I dropped out of school, Dad. I've been trying to figure out a lot of things." Danny paused before going on, clenching his fists.

Tom waited, knowing Danny had more to say and not wanting to interrupt him. Seconds stretched out like a tightrope before Danny spoke again.

"Did I ever mean anything to you? Did you ever care about anything I did?" There, he had let it all out. The color drained from his face revealing a scared little boy.

All at once, the room was clouded with emotions long held hostage to propriety. Tom's voice trembled as he fought for composure.

"How could you ask such a thing? You mean the world to me. You're my only son."

"Well you never paid any attention to what I was interested in. It was always about Theresa for you and Mom. And before that it was Jen. I was always third man out. That's why I went away. After the accident, it even became worse. I understand part of it, but I was always an afterthought. Maybe I was even when I was born. And then you went and had the affair."

Tom's face flushed at the mention of the affair by his own son. He thought it was just between him and Rose.

"I didn't realize you knew, Danny. It was a mistake and, just so you know, it's over."

"Then why can't you come home?"

"Because it's much more complicated than that. But let's back up a minute. Of course you weren't an afterthought. I'm sorry if that's how you saw it. I love you, Danny, and I care a great deal about you." Tom made a motion in Danny's direction, but backed off when he saw it was not reciprocated. He began asking questions long overdue. "Can you tell me more about why you felt you had to drop out of school?"

"I didn't know where I belonged anymore. I got lost and didn't want to flunk out, so I just withdrew. I'm sorry if I disappointed everyone."

"You could never disappoint me, Danny. I love you too much."

"I love you too, Dad. I'm just not sure I'm ready to forgive you."

Tom was at a loss for words. His son was hurting more than he realized.

The air between them suddenly was stagnant.  Neither knew what else to say.  It was obvious at this point that the evening was over.

"I think it's time for me to be going, Dad.  I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."