Kaleidoscope

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jen curled up on her sofa in front of one of the last fires of a still chilly spring, and sipped her wine. She was taking a well-deserved break from her studies and was trying to relax a bit before bed. An offer letter for a job after graduation sat open in her lap, the envelope carelessly dropped to the floor. She was digesting the news when her phone chirped with a new message, disturbing her thoughts. It was from her boyfriend, Brad, checking in with her for the evening. This wasn't the kind of news to share with a text and she wasn't ready for a conversation so she ignored the text, leaving the explanation for the morning.

They had been going out for several months now, but she had kept it very private. Her mom tended to pry and Jen wanted to shield Theresa from a relationship she might be jealous of. That would be another hurdle for her to climb.

She had met Brad when she was on her orthopedics rotation. He was an intern at Georgetown University Hospital and there had been an immediate spark. Many a time she was tempted to blurt out his name when she was visiting with her sister, but she kept her blossoming relationship close to the vest. Even Danny didn't know and she was closer to him than anyone else. It just wasn't a topic she wanted to engage in.

She brushed her long auburn locks, so much like her sister's and slipped into her nightclothes, a school tee shirt, and jogging pants. She rinsed out her wine glass, closed the fireplace and hopped into the comfort of her bed. She knew her dreams would be disturbed, as they so frequently were, between visions of Theresa, Danny and his issues, her dad, and her mom's constant obsession with her second child. Jen had long ago learned to accept that Theresa somehow had earned the coveted spot in her mother's heart and it saddened her to think that her mom was missing so much where the rest of the family was concerned.

The sounds of Mozart roused her out of her sleep at 7 AM. It was Brad's ring tone. Truth time.

"Hey, babe, I texted you late last night but I guess you were already in bed. Do you have a busy day today or can we grab some lunch later?"

"Lunch sounds great," Jen replied, avoiding the issue of the unanswered text.

"How about noon at the café on 23rd street?" Brad replied.

"Works for me. See you in a few. Gotta go—I'm running late this morning."

The jets of the shower prickled her skin as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair. Her conversation with her brother earlier in the week played out in her mind—how hard it was going to be for him to fess up to their mom after all this time. Secrets were once again killing her family. She knew she would support him no matter what his decision was, but her experience in her clinicals had shown her that his type of gnawing addiction couldn't be overcome with counseling alone. He needed rehab if he were going to clean up for good. She would text him between classes with some encouragement.

She pulled out a ratty old sweatshirt and jeans to wear to class, her thoughts turning to Brad. She caught a look at her reflection in the mirror and saw a liar looking back at her. She hadn't been completely honest with Brad and she knew how important honesty was in a relationship. Case in point—her father and now Danny. She would tell him about the job offer at lunch. What she didn't know was how she was going to tell him it was in Chicago.

"Hi, Sweetheart," called Brad as he saw Jen sitting at their favorite table in the café.

"Hi, yourself," she answered, feigning excitement for their lunch. The job offer letter was eating a hole in the inside of her purse. The last day had been difficult, to say the least, as she considered leaving not only her home town but the state as well. Perhaps this wouldn't be the best time to tell Brad, but she needed to give the practice an answer in a week. Her nerve wavering, she began talking about her courses and the finals which were coming up. Brad listened intently, though noticing her distant gaze.

"Is there something wrong, Jen? Are we okay?"

"Oh, Brad, we're fine. In fact, we're more than fine. I've just got a lot on my mind with my family. My sister wants to learn to drive a handicapped van, my parents are going to therapy and..."

She stopped just short of talking about Danny's intent to enter rehab. That was still very much a private matter.

"There's just so much drama in my family. Are you sure you want to enter the fray?"

"You know how I feel about you, Jen. Nothing you could tell me would change that."

Jen felt the blood rush from her face as she fingered her purse. Could she lay this on him too? She reached for his hand, unable to talk about the job. She didn't have to tell him yet. She still didn't know what she wanted to do herself. But if they were to continue, it should be "their" decision, shouldn't it? Faltering, she changed the subject to focus on Brad as she asked him how his internship was going.

"Things are pretty hectic right now, Jen. I've got a lot of work to do. I'm not sure how much time I'll be able to carve out for us for a little while. Are you okay if we don't see each other every day?"

Jen, exhaling for the first time since she sat down, grabbed at the opportunity to NOT have the conversation yet.

"I'm pretty busy myself, hon. If we can talk every day, I'm okay with not being joined at the hip."

Brad looked in her beautiful blue eyes and blurted out, "I love you, Jen Foster."

There, now it was out there. Jen felt the sting of tears welling up. She knew how they both felt about each other, but it had never been spoken. And now, said in such a simple location, she knew it was real.

"I love you too, Brad. Please know that I would never intentionally hurt you."

Brad's smile covered the corners of his face. He resisted the urge to jump up and down realizing they were in a rather public place.

"So now, despite what I just said, I just have to see you tonight. Can you spare the time?"

Jen was in deep now. If she agreed to see him she would have to tell him about the job. She thought about the last two sentences they had just spoken to each other—their first professions of love. Love meant honesty. She couldn't screw this up.

"Tonight's really rough for me," she said, thinking of how much work she had to finish before the morning. "Can we pass until tomorrow?" She held his hands and hoped he would understand.

"Of course. I didn't mean to rush you. I just feel like a little kid who was given a puppy for Christmas. Only my puppy is you. Oh, wow, was that a corny analogy," he said, completely flustered. "Let's have a nice romantic dinner on Saturday, okay?"

Jen relaxed with the reprieve she had just been handed. She nodded enthusiastically as they grabbed their coats to leave. Brad reached for her hand as they left the table, squeezing it just a bit. He walked her back to her next class and pulled her in close for a quick kiss before leaving. Jen feigned a smile as her mind worked overtime. She had until Saturday to make some serious decisions which would affect everyone in her life.