Kaleidoscope

Chapter Eighteen

Dear Journal,

Dr. Connelly brought up Jen last time. What can I say? I hated her. There you have it. She couldn't do anything wrong. I know I was accomplished, too, but that's what my parents always expected of me — to be a mini-Jen. Well, I guess I did it. But, I don't know if it's really me. Did I want to go to the best school? Did I want to study the way I did and be a cheerleader and a skier and play tennis? That was all Jen — not me. I'm glad she moved out. Oh, God. Did I do the same thing to Danny? But he never paid any attention to me. Did he hate me, too, for being good at everything?

Man, this is complicated. I can't hate Jen — she's my sister. She's good and kind and very helpful. Maybe the problem is all in my head. I'm just as much of a mess as Danny is right now. Look at the two of us wallowing in our misfortunes. And Jen's still going strong. There I go again. I need to act like an adult.

What have we all done to each other? I feel sick.

Theresa

Theresa exhaled slowly. She couldn't believe what she had just put down on paper. The little black markings on the stark white paper were an outpouring of her soul. Dr. Connelly had struck a chord and brought all her stuffed down feelings to the surface. She had been living a lie. By not admitting what had seared her years ago, she could rise above the burns and pretend her dreams were all her own. Apparently, they weren't after all. She wondered if Jen ever felt her jealousy, because that is what it was. Sibling rivalry at its best.

Mom and Dad always had high expectations for all of us and we strove to please them. But at what expense? Were any of us truly ourselves? Danny may have been the only smart one.