Kaleidoscope

Chapter Twenty-Five

Addiction once again had Danny in its clutches. His struggle with the pills left him exhausted most of the time, but he continued to go to his meetings at the clinic, hopes rising each time he entered through the doors and saw the addicted lined up in the waiting room for their chance at becoming clean. He entered the meeting room and immediately stood up to introduce himself before embarrassment laid claim to his nerve.

"Hi, I'm Danny and I've only been clean for 24 hours."

The room filled with the sounds of clapping and "well dones." He was back to square one, but they were all cheering him on. The support of the group began to restore his self-esteem. He told them of his encounter with the girl who looked so much like his sister and how he had screwed up the courage to ask if he could phone her. Her reaction had only served to stir up his old anxieties about his lack of social skills and he fell into his hole once more. It was as if he couldn't handle any goodness coming his way. He reached in his pocket and fingered the slip of paper with her number on it, not quite sure he would do anything about it.

During the break, a young man named Greg approached him.

"I hear you man," he said. "My problems all started with a girl, too."

Danny knew Greg didn't get it. His problems started long before he laid eyes on Kim. Maybe it did start with a girl, but in his case, it was his sister. Maybe if he got to know Kim he would see the differences between her and Theresa, and not their haunting similarities. He knew he must call her before he lost his courage.

The sky was a deep amber when he left the clinic and he walked slowly to the corner to catch the bus, the night bringing a bitter wind biting into him. He pulled his ball cap a bit lower and turned up his collar to keep out the cold. It was nearing spring but winter still had its grasp on the world, not unlike the grasp Theresa still seemed to have on him. Even with her disability, she was still more put together than he would ever be. What had made him ever think that he could compete with her shadow? When would he become his own man?

The lights were blazing in the house as he approached from the corner and he noticed his dad's car in the driveway. He could see into the kitchen and his mom, dad and Theresa were deep in conversation. Not wanting to interrupt, he crept quietly in the front door and stood in the shadow of the hall to listen. The harsh sounds of his mother's voice cut through the otherwise quiet house.

"I still think it's a bad idea, Tom," he heard her say. His dad's voice seemed like a whisper compared to his mom's and he found it hard to hear that part of the conversation. He glimpsed Theresa rolled up to the table, her hands animated. "...can do this," escaped from her lips. Whatever was happening it was clear that all parties involved were not in agreement. He ducked into the darkened living room as his mom left the kitchen and went upstairs. He watched his dad take Theresa's hands in his and lean over to give her a kiss.

"Leave it to me, honey," he heard his dad say before turning and walking out the kitchen door, looking back for a hesitant moment.

Upstairs, Rose heard the door close and knew that Tom had gone. He had betrayed her once again. Only this time it was with their own daughter. Her head was squeezed in a vise as she tried to comprehend his enthusiasm for Theresa's new adventure. She was convinced that he would change his mind once he saw what her driving again would entail. Not to mention all the money it would cost to get the van to begin with. Terror was living and breathing inside her just as it was the day she saw her second child hooked up to all manner of machinery while she struggled to regain consciousness. How could her husband forget those moments so easily?

The house receded back into silence, a shell of unresolved emotions. Danny quietly stepped to the stairs, peering up to make sure his mom's door was closed.  A confrontation of any kind at this moment would only open more wounds he did not want to be a part of.  He slipped unnoticed to his room to deal with his own insecurities.   He took out Kim's number from his pocket and placed it on the desk. His hand hovered over his phone, then he put it back down. But he knew if he didn't grasp the moment it would slip into the darkness of his room. He tapped in the area code.