Kaleidoscope

Chapter Thirty-One

Damn, she's beautiful, Danny thought.  He wanted her in his life. But he was keeping so many secrets.  His father's secret had broken up the family. Was his secret going to do the same? Once again, he thought of the pills sitting in the upper right-hand drawer of his dresser at home. He had had the courage to leave home without them. But, what would he do once he got home? He drove around numb, trying to decide which way his life was going to turn. He needed someone to confide in—someone outside his support group who knew everything about him— and knew he had to call Jen. She was the only one who understood.

He pulled over to the side of the road and dialed her number. It went straight to voice mail. He left her a message and then texted her to call him as soon as possible. He thought about some of the members of his group at the clinic, wondering if he should reach out to one of them for support. But he cringed at the thought of talking about his girl problems with someone he still didn't know very well.

He was blocks away from home and temptation when his phone rang.

"Danny, it's Jen. What's the matter? You sound frantic?"

At the sound of a friendly voice, Danny unwound his tale. Relief washed over him as the words escaped from his mouth—his attraction to a girl hauntingly like his sister, his constant, never- ending struggle with his pills, his "connection" who wanted to get him hooked on something stronger, his feelings of failure on all counts.

Jen was silent throughout, sensing Danny needed to talk. After a moment, she spoke.

"Danny, I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe you need to check into a rehab center for a while and really kick the habit. Then you'll be able to concentrate on a relationship with Kim—that's her name, right? If you must tell her the truth, which I think you do, at least you'll be completely clean when you do it."

Jen's words hung in the air like icicles from a roof after a storm. After what seemed like an eternity, Danny finally reacted.

"I can't do that around here, Jen. How could I do that without telling Mom where I'd be for a while?"

"Maybe that's where you need to start then. I think Mom has the right to know what you've been hiding from everyone. Remember what Dad's secret did to the family? I still haven't forgiven him for leaving us."

For the first time, Danny realized what all this had done to Jen, too. And he had added to it all by unburdening himself on her. He had really been a bastard.

"I wouldn't even know how to begin with Mom. She's so focused on Theresa and I know she's very disappointed that I dropped out of school. I can't imagine what she'll think if I tell her I'm hooked on drugs. I've been so selfish. Now I have the opportunity to maybe have a relationship with a really great girl and I'm in so deep I don't know how I'm going to get out."

Jen could feel the cold coming through the line. She finally told Danny he was better than all of this. She would research a rehab center nearby and be with him all the way. But, first, he had to admit everything to the family. He couldn't just disappear.

Once again, Jen's words gave him courage. He agreed to go home and begin the conversation. He thanked her for her help and began rehearsing his confession.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kim left for school the next morning, her emotions playing games with her. Spin the dial and see what feeling the needle landed on. Danny's icy blue eyes stabbed right into her thoughts. She could see his unruly blond locks and his shyness around her. She had begun to crack the surface a tiny bit, but part of her was afraid of what lay beneath. She had compassion and sympathy for him but no empathy. She could not put herself in his shoes. When his sister was hurt, he had left home. He had a soccer scholarship he gave up when he dropped out of school. Was he that selfish? She recalled his admission that he had wanted to get far away from home, and yet he had blown it. What caused him to come back? So many questions and so far, so few answers.

She texted Danny when she got back but didn't get a response right away. Her mind went into overdrive. Perhaps he was really offended by her reaction in the diner. She couldn't let herself go there. Tomorrow she was entering the last several weeks of the semester and she had to stay focused. But, thoughts of Danny were making it very difficult. She curled up in her bed in the dorm and fell asleep dreaming of his magnetic blue eyes.

The next day on her way to class, she strolled across campus and glanced out over the greening athletic fields watching the soccer team out for spring practice. She thought again about how Danny had, for whatever reason, squandered his chance. His words haunted her—that he just needed to get away for himself. What if something had ever happened to her brother, Ryan? Would she have been able to leave the family? She couldn't put herself in his place.

She settled into her English class and it was déjà vu. For a moment, she saw him sitting in the rear of the class and remembered his clumsy attempt at meeting her when he had knocked her books over. He had such boyish charm and yet was so complex. Perhaps that was what made him so enticing. He was a mystery she wanted to solve.

They began to text quite regularly but their phone calls were always brief. Texting was safe. She could feel the veil that separated them and couldn't seem to see through it or tear it down. He was always obtuse when she asked too many personal questions. She sometimes doubted if she even wanted a relationship, but then she thought of those times when the electricity between them was so charged. He had her in a tailspin and she couldn't seem to untangle herself.

She threw herself into her studies, preparing for her finals. One thing was for certain—she wasn't going to let her obsession with Danny affect her grades. He may have dropped out of school, but that was not in her vocabulary.

Late one evening she received a text from him that threw her into a panic. He told her that he would be out of touch for a while and not to worry. There were some things he had to do before he could see her again, but that he still cared. She was puzzled. Was this a kiss-off? What could he have to do that he couldn't at least text? She really didn't need this in her life just before her exams. But, Kim was nothing, if not determined, and she put thoughts of Danny into a file drawer in her brain and shut it to be opened in June.