Kaleidoscope

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Danny was high on excitement. He hadn't felt this good in a long time. Yes, he was feeling the craving for his pills, but he was so pleased with himself that he had turned in what was left of his drugs and was embarking on a new chapter. He wasn't fooling himself that it would be easy. He had seen too many people try to quit at school, and it could be ugly. But, he was so ready to be the person he used to be, even better, in fact. He had his family on his side, finally, and he was ready to go.

He took a cab early in the morning before anyone else was up. Saying goodbye would be much too painful. He had made his peace with everyone and was on his own for this. He watched the houses pass by the window of the cab and secretly said goodbye to all that was familiar to him. If all went well, he would be back home soon, clean and sober. It would be hard work, but it was time for him to do something worthwhile with his life, which up until now he figured he had screwed up.

His thoughts turned to the first time he left home to take the train to UMASS. He was excited then, too, and, also alone. He was escaping a life that was unbearable and undertaking a whole new existence. If only he had known the dangers that awaited him. But, then, no one ever knows what the future will hold.

He began to dream, and for the first time in a long time, he did not dream of the accident. Instead, his dreams were filled with meeting Kim and how he had screwed that up as well. Then he dreamt about his soccer scholarship and the drugs and how his life had careened out of control. He woke up realizing that he had to succeed at this because it would be the only thing he would be proud of in the past year.

As the cab pulled into the Center, Danny reached for his bag and paid the driver. Even though he was a stranger, the driver wished Danny well after seeing the name of the clinic on the building. Danny thanked him and went to the front door and rang the bell. He was greeted by a friendly man who escorted him to his room. Then, in a moment of complete humiliation, the man searched his bag to make sure he was not bringing any drugs in with him. He was mortified. At this point, no one trusted him. He guessed he would have to earn that trust.

As soon as he was alone, he texted Kim. He needed to let Kim know that he was alright and not to try to reach him for a while. He promised her that everything was okay, but that there was something he needed to do and he would be unreachable. He hoped that when he got back home again and she was home from school, they could see each other. He would explain later, but he would also understand if she didn't want to talk to him anymore.

His room was adequate, but it made Danny long for his room at home. It had been a sanctuary for him when he felt isolated and ignored. This room was sterile with no traces of him. He wondered who had occupied the space before him and if he had been successful in the program. He heard many stories about people who relapsed as soon as they left rehab. But, he was determined that wouldn't be him. There were still many issues going on at home that he would have to face, but he was an entity in the family now, and they would all cope, together. Once he was clean, he would think, about Theresa, his mom and dad, and most of all about Kim.

Ah, yes, Kim. Was there even a chance with her now? He remembered his mom saying that she would love to meet her. How in the world would that ever play out if they even got to that point in their relationship? But, he had to clear his head of all these things right now. They would be fodder for his therapy sessions.

At 6 o'clock he went down to the dining room. He looked around at all the people gathered there for one addiction or another. How did this world ever get so messed up, he thought? Addiction was rampant, and these people spread out before him were proof. For a moment, he lost his courage. Would he be a success at this? He remembered the coach's parting words to him not to screw up the rest of his life. He would, he could, do this. He needed to for everyone's sake, but most of all, for his own. He had so much of his life to lead yet.

He sat down at a table with three other people. They introduced themselves to each other and turned to the front of the room where a speaker was about to begin. She welcomed them all to the Center and then asked each one to stand up and introduce themselves and tell a little about why they were there. Danny was amazed that some were there as court-ordered mandates, others because family members had insisted. He was in the minority of people who had come on their own. That gave him a boost of courage knowing that he had come to this decision by himself. Perhaps this would be successful after all.

Mrs. Chapman, who insisted on being called Ellie, explained the program to the attendees. The minimum stay for success was one month. She said that some of them would opt for more than a month. If they followed the program as it was laid out, they had an excellent chance of walking out clean and sober.

After the presentation, which Danny took to heart, dinner was served and the barriers between the patients began to break down. Conversation, which initially was stilted, began to flow and Danny realized that these were now his new friends. Not the ones he thought he would ever have, but maybe the best ones for him. The process had begun.