I Hope To be There: Superflash

1. Running Blind

Barry POV

"I said no." I repeat as Joe tries to lift me up from the couch. He lets go of my arm and I fall back down, laying there, feeling useless. I know I'm acting childish but I can't  to make myself get up from the damn couch. Or out the door. Or to eat.

"Common Barry, you can't do this!" He shouts with a hint of arrogance behind his voice. 

"I actually can, Joe. Im tired and I'm done." I breath out. A long sigh escapes his mouth as he sits beside me with that 'Lets talk' look. I look away and turn off the TV, waiting for the pep talk.

"Son, theres people out there who need your help. Who need you to save them. And us. We need you as well, Bar." He points at the door. I close my eyes for a second.

"And who's gonna save me?" I whisper as I lay my head back in defeat. I meant for him not to hear me but he did, apparently.

"Barry... just because you messed up doesn't mean you get to quit being the Flash." He explains. I lower my head, looking at my feet, because I don't want to look at him in eye when he realizes he has a selfish duche as a son.

"Thats what you don't get. Everyone thinks I messed up but I didn't Joe. I did what any person who thinks rationally would've done Joe. And I would always made the decision I made." I shout.

"You think saving her, saving Iris, was more important than saving a child?!" Joe confronts me for the 3rd time this month. I stand up feeling the anger building up.

"She's your daughter, how could you say that?! What would you have in my shoes? Save a complete stranger or the person you love. See, because you think you're a hero until a sacrifice comes along and realize you're the villain." I point at him, my lips curling into a humorless snarl. He takes a pause and rubs his finger above his eyebrow, calculating, weighting his response.

"I thought what you did was the right thing to do, at first... But then I saw what it did to Iris' life. Barry, she can't sleep, she wont eat and worst of all she wont live. You know why? Because all she can see when she closes her eyes is that little girl being killed by the explosion instead of her. And that's on you." He brings to light what I already know. I should've tried to save both of them, I know, but when theres someone you truly love you would give everything to protect them, even if its not yours to give, in this case, that girls life.

"I was grateful and so was she, but Barry, as a father I can't imagine life without either of you." He continues. This time i look at him, dead in the eye, hoping he can see the fire behind them.

"You're here pointing out all the reasons as to why I should never put the suit on again and yet you want me to come back?" I ask and thats when he realizes that the Flash is truly really gone.
---
"Hey, Iris." I whisper as I tug my hands on my pockets. As usual she's staring out the window with a blank expression. I sit beside her on the bed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Get out." I get startled after she speaks for the first time in weeks. I cup her face on my hands and I feel hope building up.

"Iris? Iris, can you hear me?" She remains static but then slowly directs her gaze on me, I smile and sigh in relief. However, her gaze seems unclouded and deadly toxic.

"Thank God, you're here! You were in a kind of trans, and I-" I hug her nonetheless, knowing for sure there's something wrong. Something very wrong. For a instant, I try to convince myself she's here and she's back.

"Didn't you hear me? I said get out!" She shouts and I unwrap my arms around her looking for answers in her eyes, which remain pinned to me in such a way, I can't really recognize her. I feel the roots of defeat growing inside of me.

"Iris, its me! It's Barry!" I exclaim with a smile on my face as if she confused me for someone else. The hate is immense on her glare. Her eyes hold something that Ive never known before. They seems empty and lifeless.

"I know." She mutters with rage. Tears form behind my eyes, and I try to hold my fragments together.

"Iris, Im sorry I-" I start however she stops me before I can apologize.

"You were fulfilling your own selfish desires, again." Her voice is filled with something much worse than anger. Its disappointment.

"The first one was with you saving your mother in flash point which affected everyone, even killed Cisco's brother" she continues as I flinch away"-and now its with you saving me instead of a 10 year old girl." She exposes me.

"Iris you need to understand that I couldn't live without you. I had to make a choice" I try to explain but she doesn't budge. My heart starts to break and it physically hurts.

"You said the same with your parents and look...here you are, while their three feet underground." That seems to hit me in a way that cuts my breathing short.

Then suddenly my meta human alert app starts beeping like crazy. I shake my head as if it's going to shoo the hurt away and stand up, looking down at my phone. My eyes widen, shortly after I run to Star Labs without saying goodbye. Not like she wants me to say it.

"Cisco, Im not doing this." I sigh referring to the meta human alert but he walks really close to me and whispers.

"You owe it to us. To her." He threatens, gritting his teeth. I wonder how fast it is for people to hate you and slow for people to love you.

"Her name was Olivia." I respond to show him that I at least managed to research her name.

"Barry. Go." He instructs me and I close my eyes for a moment, feeling nothing but loneliness.

"Fine." I agree walking towards the suit. "Oh, and Cisco?I don't know how many times is enough but...I'm sorry about your brother." I apologize because I something tells me that the choice I made somehow poured salt on the wound again. 

I put on the suit and run. 

That seems to be the only thing I'm good at.

---
"What the hell is that?" I wonder out loud as theres a blue streak just running around. People flee the park in panic.

I try to shield my eyes from the light but curiosity beats me, so I lower my arm.
"Barry?!...losing connection...don't know...run!" I hear Cisco through the com which seems to be jagged and horribly transmitted.

Did he say run?

Suddenly my world seems to be covered in a white blanket. I look around to find nothing but white light everywhere.

The blue streak, however, keeps moving frantically. It takes me a second to realize it's circling me.

Out of nowhere someone or something punches me in the stomach and I fall to the ground, gasping to catch my breath. Panic floods my bloodstream and tried to ignore the pain, convincing myself i could get up.

My stomach wasn't buying it.

Adrenaline rushes through me and I start running around but he seems to come at me out of nowhere. He's faster than me. Much, much faster than me.

The next punch is to my back and I fall to the ground. Again. I scream and black spots fill my vision. It reminds me of Zoom and the flashbacks sends me into a terrifying spiral down memory lane.

As Im on the floor, the streak picks me up and trows me high up in the air. I land on my face and I can swear I hear my ribs crack. Blood broods from my nose, lips and head.

"Stop!" I plead and cant seem to stand up because everything hurts. I try to breath but my lungs hurt. 

"Im so sorry about this." I hear a speedster's voice vibrate and thats the last thing I hear before he vibrates his hand and inserts it on my chest. Then theres nothing. Just a little faint whisper, almost inaudible melody, of someone laughing in the distance.

If I didn't know better, I could swear it belonged to the girl with the red cape and blue eyes.

And so it begins...