Should've Held Onto You (CHA EUNWOO)

Prologue

"Are you going to ask him out yet?"

"Andwae, Sumi. We've been over this."

"But you're leaving in a week! And-"

"More of a reason to let feelings go. I'm not going to keep him tied down to a girl across the world. As much as I like him-"

"You mean love."

I glared at her. "As much as I like him, I won't do that to him. And when I'm gone he'll find the girl of his dreams and become the famous actor he's always wanted to be." Although it broke my heart to think of leaving, I smiled at the idea of Dongmin being happy and fulfilling his dreams.

"Miyeong, what am I going to do without you?" My best friend since childhood looked off into the distance, her eyes glossy with tears threatening to escape. We'd never been apart since we'd met.

I frowned, giving her a side hug. "Hey.. it's going to be okay. We'll text all the time and call a bunch."

"You won't forget about me? Or Dongmin or Binnie? The memories we've made here?" She looked at me with so much melancholy in her eyes. If I could stay, I would in a heartbeat.

"Never could I ever. Now come on, the bell will ring any second, and we have one last week to make memorable."

She gave me a determined nod, standing up with me, settling a smile onto her features, our arms linked.

She had cried as I stood in the airport, carry on lying on the ground by my sneakers. She hugged me and begged me not to go and I almost turned and told my family we couldn't do this. But I didn't.

Bin was like a brother to me a lot of the times. He hugged me and told me to keep in touch, rubbing my back comfortingly as tears fell down my cheeks, his warm smile making me feel better.

Dongmin said nothing as he hugged me, his usual stoic look on his face, but as they called last minute boarding for our flight, as we were waving goodbye, he yelled something.

He yelled, "I love you."

-----

I stayed in contact with Sumi for about eight months consecutively, but it was difficult and strained, because the time zones didn't agree with us and the schedules were difficult. We promised to be friends forever, but we barely talked anymore. It was unspoken that we still occupied the slot in each other's lives entitled: Best Friend.

Bin had texted me for about a week, Dongmin less that, after I left. They just stopped talking to me. Even Sumi didn't know what was going on. But I stopped asking and eventually I stopped caring. It hurt. They changed their numbers, and I was in the United States alone.

I met people in the United States I could call friends, and my English was pretty decent for only being there for two years. Learning English in a classroom and being thrown into a English speaking country for two years are very different scenarios. Although I had friends, there was still that aching for the ones I used to have; the ones I'd had all my life, back in South Korea.

After I lost contact with Sumi, I kind of lost contact with South Korea. I didn't have any family there, and not really any friends anymore, so there was no reason for me to be coming back. The U.S. was my new home. It had to be. The last time I was in Korea I wasn't quite fifteen. Now I'm seventeen. So anything associated with South Korean pop culture and such, I was out of the loop.

But every once in a while, I'd come across a photo in my gallery of Dongmin and I, and I'd feel that pang in my chest. Because, hell, I liked the boy. I didn't like many guys, but when I do, it's pretty meaningful. The feelings I had for him were like no other. Too bad he ignores me now. Too bad he didn't want me in his life.

But like I said, I don't think about it a lot. I don't like to be sad. So you can imagine the feelings that were thrown at me when my mom told me we were moving back to South Korea.