Should've Held Onto You (CHA EUNWOO)

40 - Future

Unknown: Hey, Miyeong- it's Park Juri, can we meet up??

I gazed at my phone in my hand with slight confusion. Juri wanted to see me? Maybe it was about 4Life. With as busy as I'd been, although I hadn't forgotten the girl group, it had been pushed to the side. For that, I actually found myself feeling guilty, remembering the times before the winter trip when it was all that inhabited my brain. I quickly texted back a reply, planning to meet in the park after school.

"What are you looking at?" Bin asked suddenly.

"Oh," I replied, gesturing to my phone, "Juri texted me.. Wanted to meet up."

"Hm.. Do you think she has more info on 4Life?" He asked, leaning across the table. We were in chemistry, and we had already finished our lab report.

Closing my laptop, I admitted, "That's what I'm hoping. Now I'm nervous. I can't help but feel like somehow everything they're going through is my fault. If I hadn't even moved back here, none of this would've happened."

"Miyeong, you helped expose Chaeson for the witch that she it. Would you have rather she gain glory and fame with her fans not knowing the real her?" I shook my head slowly. "Then, there. You did the right thing, and I guarantee you, no one from 4Life blames you for that, not even Chaeson from the looks of things."

I nodded. "You're right." Letting out a sigh, the bell rang and I said, "I just hope whatever she wants to talk about, it's good news." He sent a grin my way as I left the classroom.

Later that day, I entered the park, a light breeze running through my hair, my backpack light against my back. Juri was sitting on a bench, seeming lost in thought. She had gotten here quick, making me wonder about her schooling. Her expression was blank, but she stared into space curiously. As I approached, she didn't hear me. There were others around, but none close enough to hear our conversation. She wore a hood and mask, and had she not told me where she'd be, I might've had trouble finding her.

"Park Juri.." I called when I had reached her.

She brought her head up at the sound of my voice, revealing her mouth slightly open in surprise as she put down her hood and removed her mask in a swift motion. "Oh-!" She stood up to greet me, slightly bowing. "Mianhe.."

"No, no," I shook my head, sitting down and gesturing for her to do the same. "You don't need to do that."

Sighing, she sat down. "Thank you.. for meeting me. It means a lot."

I had never seen this side of her. Despite only having met her on a few occasions, I'd seen two distinct sides of her, and heard about one. I knew she was all over Astro, specifically Dongmin, and I remember the fear and sorrow in her eyes when accused. The once loud and confident trainee had so suddenly turned serious and melancholy, a switch I had never envisioned possible. Chaeson had at one point admitted to Juri being a little out-there, but a good person at heart. It was hard imagining her as the former leader of 4Life, but she could surprise me.

"Of course," I nodded, meeting her eyes which now displayed a certain sadness. ".. How have you been, Juri?"

Not wasting any time, she cut right to the chase. "It's been really rough," She admitted, giving me a sad smile. "4Life was my everything.. My dream.. Now, even if I wanted to get back into the Kpop game, I've already been involved in a scandal.. But more than anything I'm so sorry to my members." Her voice cracked slightly at this, and my heart fell. "Dasom and Haru didn't deserve any of this. I.. I failed them. I really did."

"Juri.." I put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "This isn't your fault at all. If anything it's mine.." I couldn't fathom that I had single-handedly ruined four people's lives and careers, and despite what Bin said, I couldn't justify it by blaming Chaeson. It was Astro or them.

"No," Juri shook her head, confident suddenly. "This was Chaeson. I didn't want to admit it at first, but it was. She knows that. We all do. It was hard to believe that one of my closest friends could do something like that- to another human being.. Out of spite and jealousy. I wanted to meet you because you deserve an explanation. You deserve some closure and assurance that we'll be okay. We will. It's just hard now."

I nodded for her to continue.

"I talked to Chaeson recently, wanting to figure out everything I could. We hadn't talked for a long while, longer than many would assume. And doing so was harder than I imagined. So she had that agreement with KpopInsight, as you know. What she said in front of our boss was true. She was jealous and, somewhere inside her, truly wanted the best for 4Life. KpopInsight said they'd pay her for doing a little damage and getting inside videos and pictures, hence the articles and texts. But KpopInsight didn't ask her to send the texts she did."

At this, I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Unfortunately," She continued, "they actually didn't ask her to text you at all. That was all her. And that was for a different reason- a reason having to do solely with tormenting you for your involvement with a certain Astro member."

"Dongmin," I interjected, understanding.

Juri nodded solemnly. "Being jealous of Astro's success wasn't enough. Chaeson was jealous of yours. There was this constant battle in her mind of whether or not she wanted to take down Astro at the expense of her being exposed and her chances with Eunwoo disappearing. I guess whenever you showed up, and it was obvious his feelings for you, she felt she lost her chance. All those feelings overflowed. I'm not saying what she did was right, because it isn't in any world, but I honestly believe.. Truly, deeply.. That she's not a bad person. She told me she's so sorry to you. I know that will never be enough, but I apologize on behalf of her behavior and actions. As her leader, that's my duty as well."

I nodded slowly. "Thank you.. And.. your feelings for Dongmin?" I couldn't help but ask. It wasn't that I was jealous, Dongmin had showed no interest in Juri and had expressed his discomfort with her chasing him. More than anything, I was curious where she fit into this. "After all, it was so easy to accuse you because of them.. And I'm sorry for that also."

"Don't be," She smiled. "I really like him."

My heart dropped at that, and I began to feel anxious, protective even.

"But," She continued, "I respect you two. It was.. wrong of me to be so upfront with him, and especially without knowing you and your situation with him. I'm really sorry.. I've liked him for so long, and I admire Astro so much, and.. I know I'm too much sometimes." She sighed. "I get too excited, and I'm working on it.. and I'm sorry for being rude to you in that process."

I nodded once more, satisfied with that answer. Jinjin had told me that Juri was a little impulsive when it came to something she liked, that she had acted rudely without even thinking about it or realizing. She was smart and a hardworking, kind leader, but she was still young. "What about 4Life then?"

"Ah," Juri smiled, giving me some hope. "You know, being an idol has always been my dream. After training for so long, it seems almost unfair that we have to start all over. Chaeson's met her end in this career for the most part. As for the rest of us, we have a contract binding us to Fantagio. Fantagio doesn't want to let us go, truly. Right now, the plan is to continue training, scrap 4Life, and maybe hold auditions in the future to create another group. That last one is questionable, and even if it's not, it could be a while down the line. Dasom and I are really attached to Fantagio, but Haru's been looking into YG. It's crazy, because I never even imagined us splitting up, even if we disbanded. We'll just have to see how it goes."

"Well, thank you," I said to her, "for meeting me, for keeping me up to date."

"It's nice to have a friend..?" She said it more like a question. When I nodded with a smile, she stood and brought me into a hug.

When we parted ways, I passed the post box on my way to go meet Astro, tossing my SM application down the chute.