Should've Held Onto You (CHA EUNWOO)

32 - Salt

"I think.. I like boys too." His voice was so shaky, trembling with nerves as his words struck me in the face.

For a moment I was speechless, until I realized how much he needed me right now. "You do?"

"I-I don't know." I watched his eyes fill up with tears before they began sliding down his cheeks. Anyone could tell he'd spent multiple nights crying about this, a topic so unfortunately familiar. I felt awful. I couldn't be there for him. I didn't know. "I do. I don't know." He brought his hand to his head in frustration.

"Jay?" I called, and he looked up at the camera, eyes red and puffy, heart broken and confused. "You don't have to know. I know I can't fully understand, but I do know that your sexuality doesn't define you. You don't have to know. You can just be yourself, and whoever that is, is beautiful. I'm so sorry I can't be there in person right now. I hate to think of you suffering without me.."

"My parents are going to be so disappointed in me.. And you- please know I n-never used you as a cover up! I loved y-you, okay?" Jay's voice continued to shake, resulting in stutters.

I frowned; I hated seeing him in pain. "Of course. As for your parents, don't worry too much about them now. In the future, they'll learn to support and understand you. Your feelings are valid, Jay. Alright?"

He nodded, trying to muster up some happiness, wiping at his tears sloppily. "Y-Yeah. I miss you, Miyeong."

"I miss you too," I replied, sorrowful. The distance was hard.

"Jason!" A voice- his father's- was heard from in another room.

Jay wiped more furiously at his tears, throwing a fake smile on his face. "That's my cue. Thanks for everything you've done, Miyeong."

"Say hi to Sarah for me. And text me, okay?"

He nodded before telling me he loved me and hanging up.

As soon as I ended the call, Sumi walked into our shared room. Meekly, she admitted, "I may or may not have been standing outside the door trying to understand that whole conversation."

I rolled my eyes but grinned, as I knew she didn't get a lot. She probably heard crying and got worried. I explained the situation to her, and she sat beside me, eager to listen.

I continued, "I never considered that Jay could be bisexual. Honestly, I'm so proud of him for discovering who he really is. These next months or years might be hell, but eventually he's going to be happier than ever, and that's what matters."

Sumi nodded in agreement, "Yeah. With the pressure from his family about his future and everything, he must be so stressed.."

"I know you're going to say it's not my fault, but god, I feel like shit. I wasn't there for one of my best friends when they needed me. I know- how could I be? But still... you have to understand where I'm coming from," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. It was 10 I'm the morning here in Korea, and I woke up to a vague text from Jay. It was 5 where he was, and I can imagine him sitting stiffly at the dinner table with his uptight family, staring at the empty seat his brother once occupied.

Sumi nodded and gave me a small hug. "I know. You're going to feel like complete and utter shit, and it's not going to just go away. The only thing you can do is bear mind that things will get better, and, when they do, Jay's going to be himself and so much happier."

I nodded solemnly before realizing I had promised to help make breakfast. "Oh, I'm sorry I got distracted." I stood up, heading to the kitchen. "Breakfast might be a little delayed this morning."