Should've Held Onto You (CHA EUNWOO)

34 - Rejection

The fire cast a beautiful orange glow on our faces, warming us with help from the hot chocolate mugs in our hands. We sat around the fireplace, telling stories and learning more about each other. Despite it seeming like we knew each other perfectly, I still didn't know much about the other members of Astro, and they didn't know much about me.

My eyes fell upon Minhyuk, the boy who had always dreamed of dancing, who was finally achieving his dreams. "The shorter one with the brown hair is Park Minhyuk, also known as 'Rocky'. He's.." "Attractive." "Hot," We said at the same time, making us laugh a little.

Sanha smiled brightly, the flames illuminating amber tones in his light brown hair. He was still a kid, but his passion displayed his maturity. "That one right there," she pointed at the tallest boy who looked happy and young, "That's Yoon Sanha. He's a year younger than us. He has a great voice."

MJ cradled a stuffed animal, pretending to feed it a marshmallow before popping it into his own mouth. Anyone who saw him from the outside would wonder if he's really the oldest, but I can see the aged passion he has for his team. "...Kim Myunjun oppa, or MJ, he's the shortest and oldest, and he's a fantastic vocalist..."

JinJin was probably the most surprising to me at the start.  Not that I didn't think he was a fit leader, but he appeared the same: still a kid. However, I now see his dedication and love for Astro and his motivation to do amazing things and carry his group to victory. The respect I have for him is insane. Despite all the responsibilities he's given, he manages to keep his head on straight. "...and Park Jinwoo oppa, or JinJin, he's a rapper and the leader..."

And then there was Bin and Dongmin, the two boys who were unfortunately yet obviously fighting over me, one of which seems to have already won. The other stole my best friend's heart, a crime that could be lethal.

And as much as I hate tossing around the word love, Sumi has never had a boyfriend or even shown that much actual relationship interest in the past. She may deny it, but she loves Bin. I notice the little smiles she tries to hide when he laughs and the way her eyes shine when he talks and the way her voice softens when speaking to him.

Unfortunately, I've also noticed the sad smiles she gives when he expressed interest in me. That's love; wanting a person to be happy, even if it has to be with someone else, and not you.

As for Bin, I can't explain why he sometimes makes my heart beat faster, or why I blush when he says things to me. Am I denying feelings for him that I've pushed down? Or am I just caught up in the fact that someone harbors feelings for me? Either way, whatever I'm feelings now didn't exist two years ago.

I look up at Dongmin who's gazing into the flames. I could practically hear the gears turning in his head. We're his thoughts filled of me as mine were now filled of him? I couldn't deny any feelings for him at this point. My eyes fell upon his hands, which grasped his mug softly. I wanted so badly to hold his hand. His hair wasn't styled, but lay naturally. I wanted so badly to run my fingers through it. Is this getting creepy?? But my eyes couldn't help but settle on his lips, which were pink and slightly parted. He'd kissed me with those lips. Did I want that again?

Yeah.

"I'm going to go grab more firewood.. Moonbin, will you come with me?" We all looked up at Sumi, who stood. Was she making a move? I raised an eyebrow at her, but gave her an encouraging smile, as Bin got up with a confused look, but followed anyways.

"Ooooh," MJ drew out when they had exited the cabin.

"Shut up," JinJin nudged him with a laugh.

We continued to talk, until the two came back. I was nervous. Did she confess? What's happening, for the love of God?

When they came into the light, I still couldn't read their expressions. Bin's face was very stoic as he took his seat back, but Sumi was more obvious. She smiled, but I could see the red on her nose and by her eyes wasn't all because of the cold. Whatever had happened, wasn't good, and I had a funny feeling it had something to do with the winter formal.

Well, shit.

After a while, we'd agreed to go up to bed, and I desperately wanted to talk to Sumi.

When we reached our room, I shut the door as she flopped onto the bed with a sigh.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, taking a seat beside her.

All the sudden she was crying heavily, tears flowing rapidly from her eyes as she struggled to catch a breath. Immediately, I wrapped my arms around her and brought her head to my chest.

"Shh," I cooed, trying to calm her down. I felt so bad for her.

Through her sobs, she managed to say, "I like him.. so much. I've liked him for as long as I can remember, but he's never liked me." She sniffled, "And I've never taken a chance, but I did tonight, because I thought maybe something could go in my favor. I couldn't have been more wrong. I expected rejection, but I didn't expect it to hurt this badly.. usually I'd just brush this sort of thing off and laugh about it.."

"So what'd you say to him?" I asked softly.

She scoffed, raising her head to speak more clearly while wiping her tears. "I asked him to the stupid winter formal. And he said," She lowered her voice and mimicked, "'Sumi, I don't like you that way.. We're friends, but I could never date you. Because we're friends, obviously.'"

"Oh, Sumi," I frowned, bringing her into another hug. "I'm so sorry.."

She continued to cry, her sounds becoming softer as time progressed, and her eyes returned to their normal color gradually. I'll never forget the way she had said the next sentence, though. "He was my everything for years and years, but I never got a chance to be his."