Should've Held Onto You (CHA EUNWOO)

37 - Be

13 hours. That's how long this flight would take. 13 hours of me sitting pin straight in this seat, leg shaking with anxiety. My mother sat beside me, hand on mine and a pity smile on her lips. She had loved Jay too, but never the same as say, Sumi.

Speaking of Sumi, upon hearing that I was taking a trip to America, she told me she was going too, no if, ands, or buts. Her parents, of course, protested, but when she explained that I needed my best friend here to comfort me, they said yes. Sumi sat behind me, next to her mother, who refused to let her go alone.

The only thing I was worrying about was Jay. I didn't care that I was missing two days of school or some days musical practice.

Bin had demanded he go along as well, arguing that I needed support in times like this. However, I told him to stay. I couldn't be so selfish as to have Fantagio upset with him. Also, the publicity would be chaotic. Fantagio Trainee Departs for America on an Excursion with Childhood Friend and Sweetheart, I can see the headline now.

I'd hurriedly told all of them I was leaving, as I didn't have much time to waste. Thank God my mother was so understanding of my circumstances, and thank God she had the next two days off work.

"I hate that you have to come back to America under these circumstances, Miyeong," My mom gave me a me a sad smile, squeezing my hand in hers.

Try as I might to speak, all I could muster was a small smile, telling her that yeah, I thought it sucked too, but I didn't want her to feel bad also.

I didn't sleep the whole way there, but the others did. I chewed on the skin around my nails as I watched the clouds and the scenery below us change. I didn't fear flying. When we were nearing the airport, I was more awake than ever. As the flight attendants said their parting words, I quickly woke up my mom, Sumi, and Mrs. Yi.

As I stepped into the airport, I was filled with nostalgia, the English language filling my ears and the small of fake Asian food wafting into my senses.

We quickly stopped by our hotel room to drop off our things. Unfortunately, California traffic was making our excursion difficult, and I was anything but patient. As I glanced nervously out the window of the cab, my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered in English without even checking the caller ID.

"Is that you Miyeong?" Came a boyish voice in Korean.

"JinJin?"

"Actually it's all of us," His voice said, followed by the yells of all of Astro. "We just wanted to check and make sure you landed safe."

"Thank you.. We're on our way to the hospital now. I'll let you know how it goes." I hated how my voice was so melancholy. I really did appreciate them calling to check up on us. They took time out of their busy schedule, at this time. However, considering the events, I couldn't fake happiness. I hated myself for not being able to at least express gratitude. We hung up with sad goodbyes, just as the cab pulled into the hospital parking lot. My mother quickly paid the driver and thanked them in English.

The atmosphere was how you would expect for a hospital. The walls were white, and everything looked too clean and sterile. We hurriedly approached the front desk, myself leading the group. Usually I would let my mom do the talking, but I couldn't wait any longer, and even the group's fast walking seemed too slow for me. I was antsy, rather than jet-lagged, from the flight here. The words fell from my mouth as I recited his name to the nurse, who told me the way to his room, and my feet were moving before she was even done, but I yelled back a hurried "thanks". I was running at this point, and I only stopped upon reaching his room, his name written on a whiteboard on the door. The door was open, but a curtain blocked my view, and I heard the beeping of his heart monitor. It was steady, and I'd never been more thankful.