𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐖𝐍 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒

for all the pain

SHAWN MENDES IMAGINES
→ for all the pain ←

Italics - girl
Bold - shawn
Regular - third person
- This imagine may be triggering to others. This will include self harm and suicide. If you are not comfortable with these situations, I suggest you do not read this.

•••

Thank you, Shawn. For all the pain you caused me to feel. Thank you.

I never meant to hurt you. I love you. I love you so damn much. I'm so sorry.

You aren't sorry. You are saying that to make me feel like you care. Truth is it won't ever be the same anymore.

Please don't do this. I do fucking care about you. I care so much. This won't ever happen again. Trust me. Give me another chance. I fucking love you with all my heart. I'd die for you.

You know everything I've been through and you promised you'd be the one that's different. To never fucking hurt me. But I fooled myself into thinking you were actually different. That you actually cared. So basically, this is all my fault.

Don't you dare fucking blame yourself. This is my fault. My mistake. I'm so sorry for cheating on you, baby. I'm so damn sorry. I can't live without you. Please. Please. Please. Give me another chance. I'll prove to you I do love you.

You won't. I won't let myself get hurt again. See, I already lost control. I lost control of everything. No one can hurt me if I'm gone.

What the fuck do you mean? You aren't gonna hurt yourself are you? I swear to god please don't fucking hurt yourself, shit baby please. Please don't do anything you'll regret.

I won't regret anything. But you might.

I already do regret for what I did! I hate myself for getting drunk that night, sleeping with that stupid blonde, and coming home with red lipstick stains on my neck! I hate myself. I'll always hate myself for losing you.

Shawn rushed over to her house, barging inside with his heart beating rapidly. He ran upstairs and into her room, seeing the door to the bathroom connected to her room, shut and locked. His eyes widened and he banged on the door, worry filling up his body like liquor being poured fast into a glass.

"Baby girl! Please. Are you okay? Let me in now!" Shawn pleaded, struggled to open the door.

He heard her soft cries for help. Not any kind of help. It was a cry for not to kill herself. All the childhood nightmares rushed through her evil mind. Her insides eating her alive.

The insides took over her outside shell. The girl who everyone thought was perfect, always happy and always smiling, wasn't so perfect. You see, no one ever pays attention to what's on the inside. They think the outside of someone is who they are. But the inside is the most important. It's who we truly are.

Where the deepest and darkest secrets are, all the memories and things that make someone who they are. The inside is most beautiful yet at the same it's dangerous. Easily triggered depending on the things someone has been through. It's where all the overthinking consumes someone. Where all the moments that people wanna forget the most, stick like super glue. Can't escape. It's haunts people.

"Let me in. It's all gonna be okay. I promise. I need to hold you. Please." Shawn cried, dropping on the floor.

But was it really gonna be okay? Will all the pain just stop and go away? It's like a cycle. It's easy at first then gets hard. It's gets hard. Then when you think its gets a little better, reality bites harder than ever before. It's a cycle. And has always been a cycle.

People never really know what's going on in a persons life. That's what makes the world so cruel–bitter. You get attached to someone and they break you. It should be another lesson to learn to do better next time. But it's all about the inside. It's what sends people over the edge and gives them an overdrive.

"Let me fucking hold you!" Shawn screamed, banging even harder on the door. "I can't lost you again. I won't lose you. I won't."

Shawn sobbed. He sobbed for what felt like years. Then he stood up, wiping his tears away, and kicked the door open. That's when he froze. It was all too late. She sat there, breathing but it was slowly stopping. An empty pill bottle was tipped over on the sink.

"Oh no. No no no no no!" Shawn screamed, picking up her fragile, shaking body and held her in his arms.

He lost it. "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I love you so much. I do. I really fucking do princess. You are my everything. I was stupid. For what I did. I'm so sorry. I really fucking love you. I should have never left that night, fuck. This is all my fault."

Her skin began to grow cold and pale. Her lips were now chapped and a bluish purple color. Dark circles were now visible. More than ever. She was slowly dying. She was killing herself. She wanted to end all the pain. She wanted everything to stop. This is how she was helping herself.

"I l-love you S-Shawn. And I k-know you're s-sorry. I'm s-sorry too. I really l-love you." She stumbled over her words.

Shawn smiled painfully, wiping the tears that were dripping from her pale eyes. "Forever and always, princess." He whispered kissing her forehead.

"F-forever and always." She smiled, taking in her last breath and let go.

She fell limp in his arms. Her eyes stuck open and her lips parted. Shawn now knew what he needed to do. He gently closed her eyes and kissed her forehead. He picked her up and placed her on the bed. 

Everything fell silent. Silence is the most powerful scream. It's what people do most when they cry for help. No one could help now. Not in this situation.

After making a few horrific phone calls to her family, he left the house and ran. He ran until he couldn't run anymore. Somehow he ended up at the cliff side where the two of them had their first date.

He smiled at the thought and stood on the edge. He remembers kissing her on their first date there. They always came here to watch the sunset and have a little getaway when it would get too hard. It was their own little spot.

Shawn stared out into the view, admiring the sunset. The way the sky made orange and purple look so beautiful and delicate together.

"I'm sorry. I'll always love you." He whispered. Then he jumped. As he made a hard impact with the water, he didn't fight to survive. He let go as well.

This was it. This was the end. His body twitched before going limp. He was gone too. They were both gone. This is for all the pain.

__________

AUTHORS NOTE.
wow this fucked me up real bad. but two imagines in one day? y'all are fucking welcome. I'll update again soon and get all the requests published. so see y'all soon!!