Ed Sheeran Imagines ♥

Past

I can hear him as he slams the front door. I can hear him as he tries to find his way through the dark flat. I can hear him stumbling and tripping over his own feet. I can hear him swearing and I can hear my mum coming out off their bedroom.
She's trying to keep him from shouting and waking me up. She wants to protect me from him. From my dad. She doesn't want me to hear all the insults he's throwing at her.

But I hear him.

I hear him every weekend, every night when he comes home drunk. And I hear him now.

I'm lying in my bed, my palms over my ears in attempt to block out the noises outside my bedroom. It doesn't help a lot, I can still hear him shouting at my mum. She always makes sure my dad never comes into my room when he's drunk.

But tonight, I can hear his footsteps approaching my door. My heart picks up its pace as my mum starts yelling at him to stay away from her daughter. I want to pull the blanket over my head but I can't move. I'm too scared.

I don't scream as he burts into the room, an empty bottle in his hand.

"Alice, Alice, Alice," he slurs. "Wake up little Alice."  His voice is getting louder but he doesn't sound angry. It's not his voice anymore.

"Alice, please, wake up!"

There was light in the room when my eyes shot open. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was covered in sweat, the imagines from my dream still flashing through my head.

"Alice?" Ed's voice startled me and I looked over at where he was sitting, with messy hair and concern in his blue eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, j...just a bad dream. Don't worry," I stuttered and tried to get my still heavy breathing under control.

"Are you sure? I mean...you're crying."

"No, I'm not." I used the back of my hand to quickly wipe away some tears from my face. "I'm fine, just...let's go back to sleep."

Ed didn't look convinced at all but just sighed and moved closer. "Come here, Honey." He carefully wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his lap. I buried my face into his chest, feeling his warmth as he started to rub my back in a comforting way.

"Do you want to talk about your dream?" he asked.

I hesitated. Telling him about my dream also meant telling him about my dad and how he's ruined pretty much of my childhood. I've told Ed he'd left us when I was 16 and that wasn't even a lie. I've just never told him about the other things.

I lifted my head to look at Ed. His eyes were holding warmth as they looked into mine. And I decided that maybe it was time to eventually talk about it. After all, Ed was the person I trusted the most.

"Alright." I took a deep breath before I started to talk. "The dream, it was about my dad."

"Your dad?" Ed furrowed his eyebrows.

I nodded my had, nervously looking down at my lap. "Well, he was an alcoholic. I was around ten when he started drinking and blaming my mother for stuff that wasn't her fault. At this age, I think I wasn't really aware of what being an alcoholic means. But I knew that it wasn't a good idea being around my dad when he was drunk."

"Alice, why haven't you told me about this before?" 

I shrugged my shoulders. "I was too ashamed, I guess. Do you want to hear the rest?"

"Yes, please keep going."

"My parents fought a lot in general, but...but when he came home from the bar..." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. "It was horrible, Ed. I'll never forget him yelling at my mom and insulting her. My mum, she has tried everything to make people believe we were a picture perfect family. Everyone thought we were perfect."

Tears were slipping down my cheeks but this time I didn't wipe them away and just let them fall. Ed noticed them, too, and pulled me closer, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he whispered.

"No, I want to," I sniffled. "I need to."

There was silence for a moment until I began to speak again.  "Every night, I was lying under my blanket. I wanted to block out the screaming and yelling but it was pretty useless. I've heard everything.
My friends asked me why I didn't want them to stay at my place for a sleepover, but of course I couldn't tell them the truth."

I laughed bitterly. "Who wants to embarrass themselves with their drunk father?"

"Has...has he ever hurt your mum...or you?" Ed asked carefully and tensed up.

I shook my head. "Not physically. But mentally...I was so sad and depressed and angry. I wouldn't understand why he had to  replace us with alcohol.
I mean we were a family, I was his child." My voice cracked at the last word.

Ed tightened his embrace around me. "Oh Alice, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I wish I could go back in time and-"

I placed a hand on his chest. "It's okay, it's in the past. I'm okay now," I whispered.

"No! It's not okay, he hurt you, how is that okay?"

"Teddy, please. I swear it's okay. It was aweful but it's over now. I don't want to think about him anymore. I'm sure he'll get what he deserves."

Ed didn't say anything but just took my face between his hands. His thumbs were caressing my cheeks as he leaned down to connect our lips.

"You're so brave," he mumbled. "So strong. I can't believe you're so wonderful when your dad was so horrible."

I smiled against his lips and let my forehead rest against his.

"I was just to stubborn to give up I guess."

Writing is therapy